Sunday, June 30, 2013


Oh dear, I fear the Italy trip is going to be a logistic nightmare. Italians are notorious for their lighthearted attitude to punctuality-a trait that can cause an unwanted frustration to say the least when you have to race against time:

July 12th – flight Sofia-Milan; train Milan-Florence-Lucca
July 14th – train Lucca-Florence-Padova
July 15th – train Padova-Milan; flight Milan-Sofia

It doesn't look like such a big deal at first-not until I look at the timetables just to see that I’ll have to split the seconds in half and I have no idea if it can work at all because I am not sure if Italians have the same perception of how long a second lasts as I do. How am I to buy online train tickets when I have no idea if the plane will land on time? 

And it keeps on getting worse! A fresh info update: the concert on July 14th is not actually in Padova-it's in Piazzola sul Brenta which is a small town 15 km from Padova. Try to find ANY information on how to get from Padova to Piazzola sul Brenta. I found zero, nothing, niente! I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown, like literally. Never again Italy, never! Help! These concerts better be worth it.

But they will be. I only need to remember Berlin to know so. This must be just another test and I have every intention to pass it no matter the cost. As the lyrics go: dreams must be won. So be it.


Thursday, June 27, 2013


Yesterday was nice, warmly nice, soothingly nice. And today… Looks like yesterday I’ve burned all my positive energy and today I have to start from scratch. Can I go back to bed and pretend it’s still yesterday? I can't play nobody's hero today.
Nothing around me makes sense-as if I'm watching a freak show.

"One day it'll all just end..."

I need a hug.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013


My day began at 4.30 AM with “Closer to the edge” on MTV Rocks. That's what a call "a good timing" :)

Happy birthday to me :) And I know exactly what I'd wish for: always to be at the right place at the right time.

Funny thing: you know what people were telling me today? "Keep on being so cheerful, positive and smiling." I must have really changed. And that's a good thing.

Sunday, June 23, 2013


Music is my personal safety net to catch me when life happens to push me over the edge. And every amazing concert experience makes it 10 times stronger. It is as simple as that. I'm not mad-I have dreams. Pity that to some people those are one and the same.

London Grammar - Wasting My Young Years

Such an amazing song:

Saturday, June 22, 2013


Considering the madness of the last 5 days I’m surprisingly zen and unreasonably optimistic-as if just for the sake of it . Did I become wiser or simply number?

And what’s with the horoscopes I’m getting lately that sound the same but only with slight variations? "For the next two or three years, you'll be moved to help the charity or cause of your choice -- official or unofficial. Remember that whatever we do comes back to us ninefold. Think of it as a karmic investment." That’s not a horoscope, that’s a sentence. Investment you say? So I have to wait until retirement? Now, if it sounds like you're being cheated then... 
I need a break. Or an advance. Let me at least smell the carrot.

Thursday, June 20, 2013


People…, some days you make loving you really hard. Am I really the only one that cares? Some questions arise; disturbing questions that demand answers-any answers.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


Today I was like the angel of mercy and you know what? That’s a fucking hard job. I’m so tired I could fall asleep as I type on the keybo…

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

About faith

I was thinking about the meaning of my name and I realized: it fits me quite well. I do believe. I believe that life holds a few good surprises for me yet to come.  And in the meantime I must do my best to deserve them.

No, I am not talking about karma. Karma is for the hopeless.

“And the story goes ooooooooooooon”. I can’t wait to hear the rest of it.

Sunday, June 16, 2013


Somewhere at the end of the concert (yes, the 6th of June concert; and I’ll probably be raving about it until the next one I’m going to) what looked like millions of pieces of paper clippings were blown into the air above our heads like a shower of snowflakes. Two of them stuck on my T-shirt and I put them in my pocket. On one of them is simply printed the name of the new album:

The other one, however, is hilarious:

I should’ve collected more. Next time, perhaps…ah, I’m so thrilled there will be a next time!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

30 SECONDS TO MARS at Zitadelle Spandau, Berlin, June 6th 2013

a.k.a. “A trial by fire”

I went, I saw, I was conquered :)

Hereby are my rants and incoherent jabber as recorded in my journal on June 7, the day after the concert:

“A million little pieces we’ve broken into
A million little pieces I’ve stolen from you”

Take all invigorating emotions there can be, mix them together and it still won’t be enough to tell how it felt to be at that concert.

It was…first let me take a napkin or I might drool all over the keyboard ;) What?! Delusional I get now and then but one thing I am not is insensitive…and neither I am blind. It was…

OK, slow down and start from the beginning.

The hour on my ticket said “7 PM” meaning that’s when the opening band goes on stage; 30STM take the stage at 8 PM. Good. I went to the venue at 2 PM assuming that since it was Thursday kids would be at school and the rest-at work. “Ah, 2 PM might be too early; there will be probably not more than 20 people waiting.” Ha! There were 200 already, some of them apparently had slept there-the place looked like a camping ground. What the …!? Goodbye, first row, farewell; I hope we’ll meet some day. There was nothing I could do but to take a deep breath, face the facts and take my place in the line under the burning sun. They let us in after 6 PM and the whole time I had to stand upright and without moving-the ground was way too dirty and shortly after there was already nowhere to sit anyway. As I expected, my back started to ache-a maddening pain I was prepared for so I drank the painkiller I had in my pocket. Guess what-it didn’t work as it was supposed to :( You know what sucked the most? Everyone was with someone; everyone but me. If it sounds like I felt miserable the impression is accurate-the situation looked hopeless and deliverance was nowhere to be seen. And I didn’t see it because it was behind me the whole time-a sweet German girl called Jenny who was alone too (!) and introduced herself. I stopped short from throwing myself on her neck but admitted she was the answer to my prayers (as it turned out it was likewise for her). We kept each other company and watched each other’s backs-an essential point to surviving a rock concert. Once inside we were lucky once again-we made it to 6th row which was quite close to the stage-not bad, not bad at all, considering the number of sold tickets was 10 000! We stuck together for as long as we could because the crowd…

The crowd was vicious, furious and insane. I don’t blame them. 30STM’s music doesn’t suggest that of course but the cult of personality surely does. Everybody wanted a piece of Jared-and now I totally understand why. There’s so much charm one can take without giving in and the charm on display was off everybody’s limits :) I’ve been to big concerts, to more than one, but it felt as if that one was my first. I was pushed, I was squeezed, I was out of breath, I was stepped on, today every muscle in my body demands attention-but I don’t care! The concert was worth EVERYTHING! Jared on stage, in flesh and blood, is simply incredible. You have to see it to believe it. The guy is 100 % present, committed and giving. You can clearly see he's not there just to do his job and leave-he's there to make you feel good, damn good. And the ease with which he rules the crowd is simply stunning. I sang my lungs out, I screamed and shouted, I was in love with every person present there (somehow I don’t think it was mutual ;) ), I jumped when I was told to, I clapped and waved my hands in the air when I was told to-I was like a puppet on strings and obeying orders never felt so delightful. 

And the music…oh, 30STM live sound smashing! Pure magic of the utmost delicious kind :)

I feel privileged to have been there. In a nutshell-I lived my dream and I’m damn proud of myself that no matter how bumpy and exhausting the whole ride was I stood my ground and made it to the end without giving up. Today I’m tired, sleepy as hell and shamelessly happy. And I can tell from experience that 30 SECONDS TO MARS have probably the most devoted fans I've ever met and rightfully so-the band have earned it and fully deserve it. Once is not enough; I don’t think a hundred times will be enough either. It is addictive-happiness, that is; to feel rapturous and intoxicated with joy. Guys, I am your fan for life.

Truly yours,

P.S. As for the pain in my back-I remember that Jared came on stage, I remember that we all screamed as one and the show started. What I don’t remember is the pain-it was gone. 

P.S. #2 

Jenny, I and Aki minutes before the concert started. Is that a happy face or what? :) 

Friday, June 14, 2013

No time to waste

My Italian “affair” in July finally began to take shape. The return flight to Milan is booked; the train schedules Milan-Lucca, Lucca-Padova, Padova-Milan are printed. There’s so much more research to be done but the dream looks a bit closer already.

Oops-did I miss to mention it? I bought tickets to another two 30 SECONDS TO MARS concerts-July 13 in Lucca, July 14 in Padova. I can not hold myself-it's beyond my control :) The things we do for a single gleam of happiness... 

Saturday, June 08, 2013

Here it comes!

The post-gig depression – just as I expected and yet sooner than I hoped. The only remedy is to put my finger on another concert and start dreaming again.

God, it hurts! But the price is fair.


Coming back is never easy. I need to sleep for a week at least. Ah, a dream fulfilled-and in the most delightful way! God, the Berlin show was so great!

One is as big as one's dreams. Then this planet just isn't big enough for me...but it'll do :) 

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Off to Berlin

Time to go. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Quite so

"You only live once, and the way I live, once is enough."
Frank Sinatra

Is it OK to panic now?

“A quiet desperation's building higher…”
Pre-travel anxiety. I can’t help it. Next I’ll probably start to bite my nails.

I have one wish; please? The world to sit quietly just for the next few days. No strikes, no fights, no floods, no unfortunate upheavals of any kind. Just for a few days, hmm? So I could go to Berlin, have the time of my life and come back. And then, sure, feel free to ride the highway to hell once again. All I’m asking for is a short break from madness. I hope that's not too greedy. Thank you.

Monday, June 03, 2013


IT arrived!

Sunday, June 02, 2013

Been there, done that

The Berlin show is sold out. My ticket seems even more precious now. Of course I’m glad all tickets are gone but…that’s 10 000 people in one place and that's a lot of people! I’ll have to go to the venue early, like 2 PM, maybe even earlier, to assure a spot at the rail. I wonder if there will be other Bulgarians too. I wonder what 30 seconds to Mars fans will be like-friendly? hostile? co-operative? aloof? helpful? selfish? It is frustrating to know you have to depend on the mercy of strangers. Oh, man, June 6th will be an endless  day. Just thinking about all those long hours of waiting, alone, in uncertainty, makes me dizzy. I've been through that many times with NIN but experience will not make it easier. Please, let it be a killer show!

Saturday, June 01, 2013


The silhouette of a fresh green treetop against a penetratingly blue sky creates such a stunning contrast that each time I’m left with the impression I've just witnessed a miracle.


Oh, now I get it. Less than a month left until my next birthday. No wonder I feel like the end of the world is coming-a theoretically reversible feeling but facts have their brutal way of beating the crap out of a good delusion. I woke up still/already so tired that I don’t have the energy even to dream. 
I wish I wasn't going to Berlin alone. There’s no chance it will go flawless and it’s just that now I am not so confident I will take that well.

I hope it’s indeed just a birthday thing.