The accumulative effect of Z-Arc

Today is a very special day for my dear friend Kris. Over the years he has contributed his tunes for various electronic releases. Until today because Jan 31^st 2008 is the release date for his debut album “Z-Arc - Accumulative Effect”.

Congratulations, Kris! I don’t know what else to say but those simple words that I’m happy for you and I wish you all the best! Keep your head on your shoulders, your feet on the ground and your mind in the sky and never stop to dream because one is as great as one’s dreams.

Where did that Trevor person disappear?

He’s probably fed up to the throat with my bullshit posts. Pity, it felt nice chatting with him.

I think you owe me a great big apology

Since Jan 1^st 2008 my father behaves strange. He’s loving and caring and affectionate; he listens to what I say; he even doesn’t interrupt me when I speak. WTF?! Why ?! I think it finally hit him that he’s mortal and ageing. And that he’s going to need me when he turns into an old helpless man. Better late than never, right? You know, that is not entirely correct. When you are late you miss the chance to make things right.

Would you mind if I smoke?

I remember a sign on a free postcard: Be kind to smokers; they die younger.

On second thought: Why bother? Let us die; we are the scum of the universe, aren’t we?

Whenever someone criticizes my smoking I say: Hold on, let me light a cigarette first.

Would it be better if I drink alcohol, get drunk like a swine every Friday night and trash public property (and if I get the chance someone’s head as well)?! Do I like to be near drunken people? I fucking don’t! Why don’t you ban that?! Ban cars! Ban every fucking industry that pollutes daily the earth atmosphere more than all the smokers in the world could for a century!

I hate hypocrites.

Keep your neat countries and green lawns for yourself. Sofia might be messy and dirty but I at least I have my freedom and it is worth more than clean sidewalks and regular public transport. Life without freedom is not a life. Period.

All that because I just finished reading that article. And it gave me the creeps.

OMG, Kris!

I meant nothing of the sort, of course :) Oh, boy, you gave me such a good laugh!
How do you like it now? ;)

I'm a Spiral member and now I can prove it :)

Our receptionist came to the room this morning mysteriously smiling hiding something behind her back. She stopped at my desk and said: Do I deserve a kiss or do I deserve a kiss? and handled me a carton box. MY PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP PACKAGE! After more than a year of waiting it’s here! At first I thought they have re-sent me the renewal package again because the box was small. The original welcome package is big because there’s a giant poster in it. I opened the box and my blood froze in my veins. What is this? That’s not the green Spiral T-shirt; that’s the 2007 red Spiral T-shirt and I have already received it half a year ago! What’s this underneath?! I already have those lithographs! Oh, fuck and double fuck! I’ve waited so long in vain?! But…wait…there’s something beneath the lithographs. Wow, I have, I finally have my Spiral ID! Now I no longer will carry a printed copy of my Spiral account to prove I am a Spiral member. Now I’ll simply flash my cool looking black & silver plastic ID that has my name on it. Now I…am dreaming because that card is absolutely useless unless TR tours again. So far he keeps silent about it :(

You don't say!?

In the news:

Boss sued for sacking non-smokers

A German boss is being taken to a tribunal for firing non-smokers and replacing them with smokers who "fitted in better".

Thomas Jensen, head of a telesales company in Buesum in northern Germany, has laid off three non-smokers at his company and said he will not be hiring any more.

He said: "Smokers have always been our best employees. Non-smokers interfere with corporate peace.

"Our non-smoking employees were actually convinced that they had the right to smoke-free zones. They just complained all the time about smoking, and I don't like grumblers.

"It was also very disappointing that the non-smokers would distance themselves from the smokers at social events - it didn't build any team spirit. From now on, I'm only employing smokers."

Just wait 'till I tell my boss :))

While I was googling this article I came across a discussion “Why Are Non-smokers Just So Evil...?” :)) I'm sure they have their good reasons; and I know we have reasons of our own.

How much is enough?

I was told that one of the most serious mistakes I make is that I expect immediate results to my actions. That is quite a precise diagnose. I do and it IS a mistake. Like, I send a text message and I expect an answer right away, right now. It's maybe because lately whatever I do is in a way an act of desperation and when it goes unnoticed I rush to jump to egocentric selfish conclusions that, of course, can only worsen the way I feel. And when eventually the reply comes it's too late-the poisoning is already in process and the antidote is useless. Maybe it's because I'm out of patience; maybe it's because I'm running out of time. I'm just sick, sick, sick with waiting. Right now I'm more confused than ever before.

What is the truth? The truth changes every day, a few times a day. Sometimes I find myself all covered in light and then it feels great, I feel invulnerable; in those moments I want to and I do reach to all the people that are dear to me to let them know how much they matter, to share that light with them because it would be such a shame that light to go unused and just fade away. And sometimes darkness embraces me, swallows me in its womb, chains my hands and feet and I feel absolutely helpless; I can't move, I can't think and all I sense is the absence of light. I reflect light. When there's no source, there's no reflection.

I have so many reasons to be grateful for the life I have. Why isn't that enough?

Some days I scare myself. I have the potential to do well; it's in my nature to be good to people; why can't I be good to myself?

And yet there's one fact, one universal fact that I can't deny and it is that life can surprise you and lend you a helping hand when you least expect. It has happened before; it will happen again. Patience is a virtue.

Sometimes a few words are just enough.

Shhhhhhhhhh!

Don't make a sound! My demons have fallen asleep :)

Current mood: cheerful

Home

everything is catching up with me
i awake to find i'm not at all where i should be
and it feels i'm getting to the end
and it's hard to figure out what's real and what's pretend

to break from what we're tied to
god knows how much i've tried to
and i am still inside you

i escape every now and then
and to think i find myself back here again and again
i used to know who i was until you came along
i return to the only place i've ever felt that i belong

to break from what we're tied to
god knows how much i've tried to
and i am still inside you

NIИ

1-ви

Снощи прекалих с шампанското. За кратко време стана по-добре, после за по-дълго не беше.
Тази сутрин си пуснах "Just like you imagined".
Днес май ще се виждам с истински хора.
Нямам представа защо продължават да ме смятат за част от онази група. Толкова сме различни. Може да им трябвам за цвят. Може да им става по-добре като се сравняват с мен.
Това последното, освен че е гадно, не е и вярно.
Поне лято да беше. А с тази мъгла съвсем няма как да сложа черни очила.
And all that could have been.
След малко излизам. Само че първо трябва да си препиша нещо в дневника, за да го гледам отвреме-навреме и да се подсещам.