Friday, December 24, 2010

R.I.P. Vincent

I'll never love anyone again as I loved you.

01.03.1995 - 24.12.2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

"Every sky is blue but not for me"

As if life wasn’t fucked up enough already and now smoking gets banned in cafés all over Sofia-it’s infectious! Some will say that Bulgaria is simply adopting the Western countries criteria but that’s one way to look at it. Another (my) way is that smoking indoors was a minor compensation for the lack of all the goodies that the above mentioned counties but ours enjoy. And now I don’t have that too! Thank you, thank you for making me feel like a leper. My life just improved :(

I’m almost literally at the end of my strength-physical, emotional, mental. I have tons of correspondence to return but I’m not able to send back even “hello; how are you”. I miss my friends but for the past few weeks I’m so unfit for socializing that I have no choice but to keep away and wait for better days to come. I can only hope my friends will be patient enough.

Vincent, my dear Vincent-he’s…he reached the point I feared most. I postpone going home and see him like that-just standing and staring into nothing for hours, lifeless, like a plush doll. No one can help me. No one can help him. He was given a certain time and that time is almost done. Pretty soon I’ll have to make the hardest decision in my life. I’m tense as a stretched bow and I have to clench my teeth not to yell at my parents: Why did you do this to me? Why did you put me to such a misery? My silent scream sticks in my throat and the swallowed tears choke me. “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” Fuck that! I’m in pain for which there is no painkiller. I’ll never go through that hell again.