My mission for today

Keep my mouth shut no matter what. Need to say no more; my today’s horoscope is true to the very last word:

"Your loved ones probably won't know quite what to do with you today. Your mouth is running on high, and your temper is pretty hot, too. This just isn't like you -- but you know what? Maybe the notion of the new year has sparked something deep within. You've been taking a lot of nonsense from a lot of people for far too long. You just woke up in the mood to do something about it. Well, good for you. Let 'em have it."

”Let 'em have it.” Tempting. I wish I could afford it.

Equilibrium

I finally saw Equilibrium-7 years after its original release. I knew all along there was such a movie because I’d seen the DVD in stores but neither really knew what it was about nor ever felt like filling that gap…until recently when I not in the least accidentally ran across a fan music video for “Touched” made entirely of Equilibrium cuts.

The movie is far from exceptional-the plot is a mash-up of the 1984’s/Fahrenheit 451’s ideas of controlled society and anti-Utopian prognostication on the future of mankind and the Matrix visual style. Nothing wrong with that.

It’s a violent fairytale revolving around the never-ending battle between good and evil. Never-ending because evil is an inseparable part of human nature as breathing is. After all the evolution of the species is nothing but a life-and-death struggle in the most literal sense with only one prize-survival, which can not be won by kindly asking the other species “please, would you mind stepping away?” because yes, they do mind and the answer can be no other than brutal. And, although people have come a long way since those fierce ages, I guess that even in the most civilized specimen of the human race there’s a prehistoric beast still roaring for blood. Instincts have great powers of endurance which could explain why all fairytales are violent. Progress only makes means of violence more sophisticated. “The pen is more powerful than the sword” sounds catchy but in the end people always choose swords when it comes to defending their ideals.

Equilibrium has all the binding elements of a classic fairytale-an evil tyrant, a wretched kingdom, a hero destined to save it and a love story (well, sort of). I did expect a little bit more attention to details-some of the battle scenes look somewhat cheesy as if taken from a Van Damme movie, the characters lack depth-we see Cleric John Preston’s transformation from a vigorous “law and order” guard to a rebel “going to cause the system to fall” but the process seems rushed and unconvincing to me. And yet I liked the movie-justice was served in the end (even though that was no surprise), it was my personal pleasure to watch Christian Bale (heroic roles fit him fine), there were some visually very beautiful scenes and last but not least-Yeats and those breathtaking lines from “Aedh Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven”:

“But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”

Vast lyrics

Vast - Touched (Equilibrium) Video - Vast Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

Deluded

The freshness of the unexplored, the first-timer’s awe, the childish amazement at the first snowflakes melting on the cheeks-I long to feel that long lost sensation running like a wild horse through my spine. How did I grow so tired?!

Balance-sheet 2009

With the imminent closure of another year approaching irresistibly in the rearview mirror like an avalanche the mind inevitably highlights the best of the best as if to keep its balance in this transitional point as passing from old into new is. And here I am jotting my memorable moments from the almost to become a history 2009-a rather painful attempt to infuse some courage in me as I’m about to enter the unknown:

May 1^st – Alec Empire, The Underworld, London

May 17^th - Jan Garbarek Group, National Palace of Culture, Sofia

June 29^th – Nine Inch Nails, Phillips Halle, Düsseldorf

June 30^th – Nine Inch Nails, Berlin Arena, Berlin

July 20^th – Nine Inch Nails+Alec Empire+Jane’s Addiction, Vrahon Theatre, Athens

October 29^th – Alec Empire, Szene, Vienna

November 7^th – Al Di Meola, Bulgaria Hall, Sofia

Not bad. I wish I did some more NIN and I should’ve; after all I knew it was the last NIN tour ever (the last one for me at least) but the European tour schedule was quite user-unfriendly and considering the uncertain global financial situation it seemed very stupid at the time to spend my entire savings (as I did in 2007) on travel expenses; even now I know I chose right but still…Oh, well, what’s done is done.

That list makes me sad-it brings to life feelings I didn’t think I was capable of; it reminds me of happiness that might never be mine again. I wish there was something else to excite me the way music does. Maybe next year I’ll find what that is .

In between

The crazy weather yesterday suggested a stormy spring day rather than Christmas. I love dramatic sky:



And to my delight I didn’t cross path with the human bustle from the day before yesterday-the streets were empty and so was the Costa café; the girl behind the counter even had the time to smile at me and why not since I was probably one of the 20 customers at the most to enter the café that day. Too bad tranquility will end soon. I’ll never understand the need to make a fuss just because but people seem to enjoy it.

xoxoxo

Some people are made of light. I wondered how they manage to preserve it in a world dominated by darkness. And then I realized: but of course, it is so simple-where there is light there is no darkness. Those are people with pure hearts and minds and they live in a state of permanent amazement driven by never-ending curiosity.

One of those people is Kris.

Happy Birthday!

Shopping for Christmas

No kidding-I took the picture yesterday:

Christmas's round the corner

10 AM

It’s Christmas Eve. And I feel OK anyway. At the office the other day as I parted with a colleague friend (he’s more of a friend to me than a fellow coworker…although I’m not sure yet the feeling’s mutual; I’ll have to inquire the matter when an opportunity is presented) he wished me to have fun at the family gathering and to my “I’ll do my best” he replied “Hopefully it’ll come naturally to you”. Who knows, it just might. Hopefully.

4 PM, Onda café.

I don’t rush to go home. I’m quite OK by myself here where I don’t have to control my facial expression and mind my words. But…I have to admit I am grateful there is a home to return to when I feel like it. Some people don’t have that choice. I am grateful that tonight there will be plenty of food on the table and it’ll be up to my vanity only how much of it to eat. Some people don’t have that choice. My parents may not be the best in the world but I know they love me. It’s about time to stop punishing myself for their mistakes.

Sounds good. Now I only have to do it.

Good luck to me.

The good old days

What was I doing back in 1994? I have no recollection…apart from being miserable of course. But I do remember that at that time the idea of attending a Nine Inch Nails concert was absolutely unthinkable. Luckily future proved me wrong and yet I regret it didn’t happened earlier than it did-I wish I caught some of the “keyboard abuse” era. Thank God for YouTube:

“All we need is love”

No, I haven’t lost my mind. That’s the title of a picture I saw at pixdaus.com a week ago and I can’t get it out of my head:

It’s another confirmation that animals and humans are very much alike.