Monday, May 29, 2017

Sign of the cat

This morning a black cat crossed my path meaning that today is going to be either really, really bad or really, really good. Most likely it will be somewhere in between – as usual.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

In the next episode of "Surviver"

Another week lost in bashing my head into walls. Every weekend I climb the stairs to inner peace only to slip fast back to ground zero on Monday morning. "Practice makes perfect"? Oh, please. It's no wonder that for the past month I listen exclusively to Nine Inch Nails with the eagerness of a drowning​man fighting for breath. 

Wednesday, May 24, 2017


OMG! Lisa Gerrard, in my hometown, only two weeks away from now! And I'm going :)

"Something isn't sitting right"

Today is a bank holiday and I'm disturbingly happy not to be at work.

To say that I am demotivated would be a huge understatement.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Love is thicker than blood

You know, I'm absolutely crazy about 30STM, I can't wait for the new album (when?), I can't wait for the European tour (WHEN???) but...
One of my fellow NiN-ers posted "Closer" live from the 2008 "Lights in the sky" tour and... I mean, in over 20 years I have listened to that song over a 1000 times (yes, that's 1 followed by three 0s) and yet it still makes me drool. It's a mystery. And apparently it's for life. Lucky me.

"I return to the only place I've ever felt I belong"

Nine Inch Nails: "Closer" live from the "Lights in the Sky" tour (2008) from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.

Saturday, May 13, 2017


The past few weeks were like a never-ending nightmare with occasional breaks of blessed oblivion. The nightmare is far from over, each new day redefines the meaning of exhaustion, and in a couple of weeks I earned more bad karma than in my entire life (not to mention the number of nerve cells destroyed in the process whose loss would've made more sense if I'd drunken myself to death). This too shall pass, I know. What I don't know is if the damages​ done will be reversible. Well, by the end of next week I might not care about that either. 

Sure, work is not worth it. But there's stress and there's stress, and there's only so much stress I can take so I wonder who's taking it now since I've reached my limits​ two weeks ago.

The good news is (surprisingly good news can survive in a hostile environment; who knew?) that stress led to health scare that led to medical checkups that said I was in perfect condition. Good to know I still have enough health left to ruin.

There's even more good news (oh, God, I don't know if I can bare the excitement): now I couldn't care less about anything/anyone that otherwise, in a seminormal situation, would've​ made me miserable. I only care to make it through the day, one day at a time. Not the best way to keep life simple though.

Monday, May 08, 2017

PDA forever

You know how teenagers in love are. Always hand in hand as if an evil power will throw them away in different dimensions if they let go of one another, always making eye contact as an assurance that their object of desire isn't just a hallucination, compulsively kissing and hugging; and when they finally have to part they look at each other and wave goodbye until they lose one another out of sight.

Today I witnessed the whole “young love” ritual from up close… only they weren't teenagers but a couple in their sixties. I was on the subway, opposite them. The woman had to get off and seconds before the door opened the man patted his chest where the heart is with his hand, pointed at her and blew her a kiss. It was the most heartwarming sight I've seen in a long time. 

There's a Drink Water Reminder app. I could use an app to remind me there's more to life than work. 
But there is such an app. It's called "friends". Apparently I need a reminder about that too.

Saturday, May 06, 2017

Stronger...I hope

What a week. I'm not sure if I’ve ever felt so desperate in my life... but maybe my memory fails me. There was so much of everything, simply too much. But then again it wasn't all bad although the bad part was evil bad. There were rays of purifying light as well. I feel as if I was turned inside out, broken down to pieces and brought back together. This week was a walk down the nightmare lane but I made it to the other side and, although there's still no light at the end of the tunnel, at least it's not pitch dark anymore. “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.” For the first time I relate to that. Can we, please, assume that I've learned my lesson? 

What a week...