Licensed to be

CANCER, March 31

Did it ever occur to you that the person who is disrespecting your needs could be you? It’s time to put your own wants and needs first. Start by giving yourself something you really want today — not something material, but something emotional: undivided attention.

I love it when my horoscope authorizes me to be selfish - as if I am officially licensed to be irresponsible and unthoughtful as much as my heart wishes. But that’s the trouble. A wish there is but it’s more of a curiosity rather than a desire. Recklessness brings a fleeting satisfaction and a long-lasting regret. But, I don’t know, just thinking about not thinking feels pleasant in a way, liberating.   

Decomposed

The work week is over and I’m safe home. I tell myself stress is already behind, that I should calm down and enjoy my well-deserved rest but it doesn’t work. The only thing that could work now is a heavy blow on the head-my head, to knock me unconsciously numb.

It’ll pass. It sickens me to always having to wait for something to pass when the only thing that really passes is my life. As each new day begins I’m full to the brim with pretty intentions and beautiful hopes; as the day ends the glass is already emptied and broken. It’s so easy to destroy. 

Semantic

Cathartic – inducing catharsis; purifying.

That’s what it’s all about-to come out clean with no regrets and no remorse.

 “There's no black and white, only white that's got dirty.” - Terry Pratchett

Balancing act

Every choice we make creates a different version of reality. It defines who we are and who we want to be. Every choice we make changes us and consequently changes future-ours and everybody’s who shares it with us.

I wish I had more control over words. They make something really simple and universal look distant and obscure.

Borderline

It’s one of those don’t-push-me-or-I-might-push-you-back days. The bad news is that it’s only half way through. The good news is that it’s already half way through.

Eternally amused

If nothing else, the last few weeks taught me I can make a blog entry out of almost anything no matter how ordinary and common. I guess that comes to say that triviality is external in nature and nothing (and no one) is ever so once you bother to dig deeper in.  

Sad and true

Some guy wrote on Twitter: "It is pretty sad that politeness has become so rare nowadays that it is almost always mistaken for flirting."

Oblivious on demand

Ah, Saturday morning at last; my favorite time. On Friday evening I am aware work week is over but fatigue and mental loathing from office hours are still too fresh for me to enjoy their ending. But on Saturday morning all that is cured by sleep, the weekend lies bore me intact and inviting and the feeling of freedom is nearly intoxicating. It’s a passing sensation and the enthusiasm descends as the countdown ticks away bringing me closer and closer to the next 8-to-5 merry-go-round. Yeah. Time is elusive and precious moments will go unnoticed and unappreciated if you don’t pay attention. I don’t know about “you” but I need to write such things over and over to remind myself-yes, over and over-that life is beautiful, and if it doesn’t feel quite so at present I must always remember it can become so at any given moment. 

Associatively pensive

At the bus stand there was a notice for a lost dog with hearing problem. Poor thing. Alone, disorientated, incapable to find on his own the way home. I remember that one time years ago when I was out with Vincent and I lost him out of sight for not more than a couple of minutes but they seemed to last forever-a couple of minutes of indescribable pain and blood-chilling panic. It bewilders me that the majority of people plunge willingly into parenthood. Don’t they realize what a great responsibility that is, what unconditional devotion it requires? I’ve only had a dog but even so I was in a constant state of anxiety regarding his well-being. I don’t know, I’m probably wrong but it just seems to me that to be a parent takes a great deal of courage.

Briefly

One of my  lady friends gave birth to a baby boy yesterday. I wish them all the best. Life goes on.

Temper management

Good I’m not resentful in nature or I would’ve needed lots of paper sheets. But then again everybody has its limits. Please don’t push me to discover my own. There’s no way that could end well for any of the parties involved.

God I'm tired, so tired to always be the nice one, the understanding one,the forgiving one.  Don't I have the right to have my moments too? I'm only human you know. Keep the extra karma points for someone who's willing to wait. I ran out of patience.