Thursday, February 28, 2013


During the summer I went around a dozen times to participate in the dog walks at the Bogrov shelter. However the physical and mostly the emotional effort proved to be unbearable for me and in October I had to call it quits. Ever since I only donate money. Remorse grew weaker with time but didn’t vanish-the feeling I don’t do enough still remains.

A week ago Animal Rescue Sofia posted a link to a short documentary about the shelter and their work. Surprise, surprise: I’m in it-for just a few seconds but that’s definitely me; I recognized the disposable T-shirt that I bought especially for that activity and those are definitely my stick-like hands petting a black dog.

I’m seriously considering renewing my volunteer work there. I felt miserable when I used to go; I felt equally miserable when I stopped. If I am to be miserable either way I might as well do some good.  

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I must be dreaming :))))))

The day started just like any other day.

And then I came to work, logged into my account and…

A tour! A TOUR! Oh my, I’m still breathless. And I can’t take the grin off my face. I didn’t know how much I wanted it before it came within reach.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

My fluffy seal

Thursday, February 21, 2013


I want to be a passenger in a car driving through the streets at midnight and watch the city lights fly before my defocused gaze like a rainbow river while Ulrich Schnauss is on the stereo. I want the magic of the dark that veils the obvious in favour of the obscure.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Did I...?

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got

Great lyrics.

Why did I think of it? The question just popped in my mind: did I asked too much?, and the rest of the words followed as naturally as everlasting wisdom encrypted in my DNA.

I threw the question randomly, addressing it to the universe as a whole. I threw it the way I would throw a coin in a wishing well with no end-I could listen for an eternity and still never get to hear the sound of the coin hitting the bottom. 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

You were saying…?

FB asks me “What’s happening, Vera?”. That is a ridiculous and depressing question. If I am on FB it means nothing’s happening. 

Saturday, February 16, 2013


A week ago one of my colleagues told me he has downloaded the entire NIN discography. And now he comes to me with questions, impressions; sometimes simply to share his excitement.
I envy him.

Friday, February 15, 2013


To be in denial of reality is my only way to accept it.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Up for a crash

I operate on automatic pilot for so long already that I expect it to run out of batteries any moment now.

Monday, February 11, 2013


I dreamt of Vincent last night. We were out for a walk. One second he was next to me, the next second he was nowhere to be seen. I looked for him but I couldn’t find him. In my dream I knew he was gone for good and I’d never see him again. I wish I remembered more of this dream than just the farewell part. I miss him.

Thursday, February 07, 2013

"Don't push me 'cause..."

Right in this very moment what I really, really and I mean REALLY want is to lock myself in an isolated room and scream my lungs out.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013


I listen to this song and I get so nostalgic about my The Smiths and The Cure albums. And, sure, there are issues far more important, serious, deep I could write about…but I’m trying hard not to even think about them let alone elaborate on them.

I listen to this song and imagine I’m back in time, still a stranger to depression, still ignorant about sadness, still untouched by sorrow.

Friday, February 01, 2013

Silence is golden

HTDA have just released a video to the song “How long” from the upcoming “Welcome Oblivion” album. And I wouldn’t have known about it if it wasn’t for the NIN Army’s FB status – that’s how little I care for TR’s current project and after hearing “How long” I care even less. I wanted to like it; really (I was hoping to love it actually). But…  

The song is a disappointment. And not because it’s so bad but because it is expected from TR to be above the rest. 
I at least expect it.