Realization

What happens to you is of not that much importance; what matters more is how you take it.

I seek and long for vengeance no more.
I’m free.

P.S. :)))))))

I just might be finally through for good with my death wishes. I am fortunate indeed.

Miscellaneous

I don’t think now I’m a better person than I was; I’m just more conscious of the consequences of my actions. Maybe it’s my sense of justice speaking. Anger has very little to do with reason if any.

"To regret one’s own experiences is to arrest one’s own development. To deny one’s own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one’s own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul."-Oscar Wilde; again; every line that he has written is worth sharing.

Death isn't fair

I have a new myspace “friend”. In this case quotation marks are not to emphasize on the virtuality of myspace friendship. Because that man is dead for 10 years already. His name is Jeff Buckley. I remember that when I heard about his death I cried as if I have lost a real friend.

The life of every human (and not only) being is precious. It is immoral to estimate and compare the value of different people’s lives. And yet it is much sadder when a talent is lost. Talent is an extra; a gift not given to everyone. He was extraordinary. RIP.

"De Profundis" by Oscar Wilde

…In you, hate was always stronger than love. Your hatred of your father was of such stature that it entirely outstripped, overgrew, and overshadowed your love of me. There was no struggle between them at all, or but little; of such dimensions was your hatred and of such monstrous growth. You did not realise that there was no room for both passions in the same soul: they cannot live together in that fair carven house. Love is fed by the imagination, by which we become wiser than we know, better than we feel, nobler than we are; by which we can see life as a whole; by which and by which alone, we can understand others in their real as in their ideal relations. Only what is fine, and finely conceived, can feed love. But anything will feed hate...Hate blinds people…Love can read the writing on the remotest star, but hate so blinded you that you could see no further than the narrow, walled in, and already lust-withered garden of your common desires. Your terrible lack of imagination, the one really fatal defect in your character, was entirely the result of the hate that lived in you. Subtly, silently, and in secret, hate gnawed at your nature, as the lichen bites at the root of some sallow plant, till you grew to see nothing but the most meagre interests and the most petty aims. That faculty in you which love would have fostered, hate poisoned and paralysed…

WTF are you doing Bryan?!?!?

It is said you can tell what kind of day awaits you by the way it starts. If I take that for granted it’s going to be HELL of a day! This morning I noticed something different in “myspace top friends” configuration but it took me awhile to figure out what. Velvet Acid Christ was missing! First thought on my mind: He has erased me!; Why did I have to say those things?; Why didn’t I keep my mouth shut as I’ve promised?! Because yesterday he was in one of his moods he seemed to be drowning in deeper and deeper with each day and I sent that comment: “Bryan, I respect you tremendously but, I swear, now I feel an uncontrollable desire to slap you if I only could because sometimes that seems to be the only way to make you come to your senses! I do not care if I’ll see that comment published or not; those words are meant for you. The way girls look at you…man, do you really wish all the girls to fall at your feet?! Vanity is not a crime; to lie to yourself and to pretend to be someone you’re not just to be adored is. I’m not criticizing you; I’m talking the way I would talk to a friend/to another human being (if he/she would care to listen).” But he published it. And now I’m deleted?! I panicked; As if a friend has slammed a door right in my face.

The truth turned out to be much worse:

Invalid Friend ID. This user has either cancelled their membership, or their account has been deleted.

Me and my wounded ego :( Stupid girl.

Dear blog,

Today my enthusiasm to taste and feel every ingredient of life has only shape and no fuel to make it work. At least I know much to keep my mouth shut. If I’m incapable of doing something good today at least I can keep from doing something wrong.

One step at a time. And rest if needed.

A Bratislava flashback

I remembered one of the reasons why I didn’t enjoy fully the Bratislava concert. Because I was right in front of Aaron and I made the mistake to look at him. Not just to look but to see. I saw his facial expression; then I couldn’t scream anymore because he seemed to be just an inch from collapsing. Later on I mentioned that to other Spiralers and they all laughed: But he always looks sick! Well, I don’t know; I can’t tell. To me he wasn’t feeling OK but he had to be on stage and do his job.

Aaron’s anti stress therapy :)

The hands of time

While Milla loves to take pictures of doors I’m addicted to clocks. Am I trying to imprison time in a frame and make it stop?

Finally uploaded

All my travel memories are now on photobucket.

My animal friends

Those pictures worked fine.

Quote of the day

I once read that someone who enjoys life is not a loser.

A definition of shock

Do you know what it means to be truly shocked? It is when you play “March of the pigs” to your mother just to demonstrate that NIN is not a chillout band and that “Still” is not the only album they’ve recorded (since that has been the only thing you’ve dared to introduce to her so far), and to hear her say afterwards “I loved it! That was awesome!” You’re my mother!; You’re supposed to hate it not to love it! But I should’ve guessed. She absolutely adores trance music; the faster the better :)) And she’s over 60.

Say “cheese” !

I pass by that drawing twice a day for 2 years now. I suppose people living in that building like it too since no one has tried to clean it.

Kiss of death

This is too much for me to bear! I can take that I’ll miss to see UNKLE as a support for the Tel Aviv concert-going to Central Europe is one thing; going to Israel, on my own, even if I had the money, is a Sci-Fi story. But now I read that Alec Empire is going to be an opening act in Munich on the September the 3th! This one I can’t take! My Sunday’s ruined :(

Good morning and good luck

I am a citizen of the world because the world is in my mind.

Crazy Friday

My mind is still walking down the streets of Bratislava and Prague; I can’t help to see Sofia through the eyes of a foreign tourist. I caught myself ranging Sofia’ sights according to whether they deserve a picture or not. I notice details that I’ve paid no attention to before. Yesterday I had a surreal experience-I was walking downtown and for about a half an hour I heard Bulgarian language not even once (not from me either ‘cause I even think in English)-all the people that were passing me by were foreigners. French, German, different accents of English, Japanese; is this Sofia?! It bugs me why would someone come here since there are plenty of other possibilities. I go to very few concerts in Bulgaria (would I be traveling if the bands of my choice were coming to my hometown?) but who ever comes here gives interviews to Bulgarian media and I always read them. The answer I find most intriguing is the one to the question: How do you find the country and the people? Answers are identical: You have very beautiful women! True. Today I saw a girl that should be on the cover of every magazine; a gorgeous creature. For a part of a second I thought: Maybe she’s stupid! (Shame on me! I’m just a human!). And that was in a broad daylight; the prettiest ones come out after dusk when I’m not in the streets researching Bulgarian population but at home in front of my PC hitting F5 like a mad hatter to refresh nin.com :))) So if you’re looking for stunning females you’re most welcome to Bulgaria-we never run out of stock :)))

I can’t believe I’m posting that on my blog! Oh, well, it’s my crazy Friday.

Some tram lines downtown are getting major repair job. At one tram stop I saw a hand-written note: Tram lines are out of order until the end of August; we give no other information what so ever!

Huh. Welcome.

Edit: Friday turned out to be not only crazy but lucky as well :)

Travel log – le grande finale…

….although I hope it is not a final :)

08-15-2007

Waiting for bording.

I’m going home with a sad but purified heart and a smile on my face. I want to be a good person to the best of my abilities to be worth the friendship I’ve been given. I can and I will. I’ve done my share of stupid things; I’ve hurt too many people. Enough. If you meet someone in need of help don’t hesitate to provide it-there’s no greater pleasure than that.

It took me so long to finally start learning from my mistakes.

I feel strange; not myself. I don’t know who I am but I like her :) Joy and fear battle within me no longer; they walk side by side instead keeping an eye on each other; they watch out if the other one won’t stumble and fall. The one makes life what life is supposed to be-a celebration of every second given; the other keeps my feet on the right track.

Do you think there’s such a thing as “destiny”? That everything happens for a reason? That every person we meet affects our lives?

I am grateful. Colors of life are back brighter than ever before. I’ll kick myself in the ass if I go back to be who I used to be.

Smile

I feel good.

Do you think happiness is contagious? I surely hope so. Smile and the smiles that’ll get back at you will brighten your day. Put your shades on :)

That one is a silly Prague souvenir T-shirt but it makes me smile. The Friday craziness has got me :)

Travel log part 4

08-14-2007

Bratislava August 12^th 2007 – done; Prague August 13^th 2007 – done.

The morning after…

…is tough. My head aches as if I have a hangover. Mixed emotions. The set list was exactly like yesterdays. The performance…some things he said last night, gestures…I can’t escape the thought that I watched a spectacle following by the letter a previously made scenario. It wouldn’t have occurred to me if I had seen just one show; but it happened so (not by chance of course;) that I saw 2 shows in a row; there were similarities.

NIИ and violence don’t mix. And there was a lot of violence coming from the audience. Surely you can enjoy a rock concert without molesting people in front of you. For Christ’s sake, they moved the barrier about a meter towards the stage! How long can you survive without breathing?! Poor security guards! They were very nice and polite, nothing like the Hulk mutants at the Bratislava concert. For about 2 songs I debated with myself whether my first row spot was worth the risk of losing an eye because of all the arms, elbows and fists around my face. I wasn’t enjoying the music the way I was and when “Me, I’m not” started I decided not to push my chances to the limit and left. I had to go all the way to the back of the hall because there wasn’t any other free space closer. And I felt absolutely fucked up.

As lame as it was I cried during “Hurt”. Happens every time.

Today I don’t want to speak with any NIИ fan, I don’t want to discuss the shows, I don’t want to hear anything about it.

Why do I feel like crying then?
As if I’ve lost something precious.

12 AM

Prague experience is a disaster so far. I started my walk a bit further from the centre-I wanted to see the people’s city, not the tourist’s Prague. I got lost at some point (so many little streets). The city is still beautiful but right now I couldn’t care less about it. The sad fact for me is that I care for nothing else either; not even for another concert. I am (to quote Lori) “in a desperate need of optimism”.

I’m not sorry even for one second for taking that trip. The experience I receive is very valuable. Waiting in line was dreadful by itself but contacts with people were very educational; they taught me a lot about people and me. And it came just when I thought I knew all there was to be learned about human nature. Of course (I almost forgot), I’m the biggest moron ever. There, I said it. Now what?
Duh.

I don’t feel intimidated in this city of Prague. And I certainly feel no less than any of the people I see no matter which far more developed than mine country they are from. I feel adequate and equal in intellect, attitude and appearance. I feel at place. I guess that means that I like myself better than I think I do. Hum.

1.30 PM

Damn pigeons! One of them just shat on me! Imagine the frustration-you’re in one of the prettiest European cities that’s crawling with tourists and there you are in the middle of it covered all over in bird’s poo! Swearing and cursing in every language known to me I found a quiet spot to check the seriousness of the situation (“We have a situation here!”; that’s what you get from watching stupid American action movies). To my relief damages were almost invisible and very easy to clean.

10.30 PM

That bird did bring me luck! I had the most amazing last day in Prague! And I surely don’t want to leave now. Nothing will be the same after that trip and that is a promise! All those people I met; total strangers sharing one passion that was bringing us closer than anything else could-it was fantastic and beyond my expectations! It certainly pays off to be nice to people. So many people I hope to see again. And why not? As long as there are NIИ concerts our paths will cross again:

Sonja from Finland;

Ivo, Poli, Vasko – Bulgarians, that I met by accident and filled my heart with warmth;

The Slovenian couple, friends of Sonja. Later on I found out that the Prague concert has been a part of their honeymoon. Now that’s what I call “a perfect mach”! (I definitely must visit Slovenia! All the Slovenians I’ve met so far are great-warm and friendly, with gentle souls and beautiful minds. And Bojo, Sun and Pips-I missed you!);

The guy that helped me in the Spiral line in Bratislava;

The French girl with the curly hair;

The two girls that I was on one plane with from Bratislava to Prague;

The blond German girl that goes to practically every European NIИ concert;

The French dad and his two daughters;

Slechmiinh from Sweden who gave me a hug from a Spiral member, that I exchange letters with, and her friends;

The little school girl from Berlin;

The absolutely awesome tall blond guy from Poland, a huge Depeche Mode fan (why do I drool like a teenager at every man wearing combat boots I don’t know);

I’m going to miss you so much!

And next time (oh, God, let there be a next time!; maybe instead of God I should address my boss) I’ll bring a pen and a note-book with me to write down the names of the people I meet.

------------------------------------------------------------

At 1 PM on August the 12^th I took a picture of the Spirales waiting at the entrance of the Incheba Expo Arena; some 8 hours before the concert-that’s why there were so very few of them.

The girl on the left with the curly hair is from France; at 9 AM earlier that day I passed her by-she was the first to come and wait at the entrance.

The girl next to her is a friend of hers; she was so quiet the whole time with such a sad smile on her face that I wanted to go to her and chat to cheer her up but I didn’t dare to because I had to respect her privacy; maybe I was wrong.

The guy in black is from France too; just a half an hour ago I met him and his girlfriend in my hotel at the reception and their reaction was so sweet that it knocked me off my feet. They gave me a farewell hug; I miss you both!

Now, the guy in the blue-red blouse is my friend for life! I don’t know his name, I even don’t which country he’s from ‘cause I was so stupid not to ask (silly me) but he did me a great favor that I haven’t even asked for. In the Spiral line there are unwritten rules which you don’t have to be told of because they are logical enough to be guessed. It’s the rule of “first come-first in” i.e. when Spiralers are to be let in the venue we form a line according to that rule. Later in the afternoon a group of 5 arrived (I’m not telling where they were from; that is irrelevant) who cared not about that rule at all and when a proper Spiral line was created they pushed me and Sonja back and stood before us although the two of us have waited much longer than them. I was furious but there was no way I was arguing with them; I couldn’t lower myself that much and ruin the experience. And then that guy, who was standing at the beginning of the line, came to me, addressed me using my Spiral name (how come he knew my nick-name? I feel so ashamed!) and said “You were here before them, right? Then come with me”. And he took me and Sonja to take the places that belonged to us by right. I swear, I want to go to more concerts not only for the shows but also to meet him again and have a chance to return the favor! NIИ fans are the best people I’ve ever known.

The blond girl and the one sleeping on her raincoat are known to follow the band from town to town across Europe. Ever since the first time I saw her in Amsterdam earlier this year I’ve always been somewhat afraid of her; her eyes are as if made of blue steel; she’s always very serious and looks very determined. But in Prague I happened to be next to her for more than 2 hours and she turned out to be very smart and very nice girl. Me and my fears-let this be a good lesson for me.

And then there was Sonja-the lovely red-haired china-fragile Sonja from Finland. Unfortunately she’s not on the picture. She had come to Bratislava alone, just like me. I kind of tried to take her under my wing; I hope she hasn’t found my attitude patronizing for that was not what I intended it to be like. I needed a friend, someone I could trust, and in her I found the best friend I could wish for. We waited together both days and the day after the Prague show we kept each other company for some 8-9 hours. It was wonderful. 5 minutes after we have parted I found myself in tears.

That was a day to remember! Now I can let go off my childish anger and truly appreciate the concerts.

And, oh, I’m glad to say that I definitely need more of Trent&Co :) Keep touring, please! Yeah, we fans are so selfish!

Travel log part 3

08-11-2007

7 AM

The hotel looks deserted. The only sound comes from an obsolete wall clock that kills each minute with a sharp bang.

More than 13 hours to go. At least I’m already counting out hours, not days.

What is it going to be like tonight? And what is it going to be like tomorrow in Prague? And how am I going to face the days after?

I’m nervous.

8 AM

Here they are-the first NIИ fans for me to see in Bratislava! And they’re staying at my hotel :)

It’s slightly raining outside-perfect! Everybody hides when it’s rainy and I can have the city all for me!

I love hotels; what’s not to love about them?-you’re greeted with a smile every time you come back (so what if it’s fake; smile included ;), you don’t have to clean nor cook nor anything. To quote Elmer: “Peace and relaxation”.

It’s a lot of fun to explore a city using a map. I feel satisfied every time the next street turns out to be exactly as the map says.

Another surprising observation: it’s not a problem for me to eat in a public place. Anonymity is liberating.

12 AM

I cried this morning; about 9.30 I think it was. There was a man sitting on a bench holding a small dog on his knees. I sat on the bench next to his to drink my coffee (the worst coffee I’ve ever had; do yourself a favor and never go to McDonalds). In a little after the man stood up and left his dog on the ground; the poor thing was crippled and could barely walk. Some people think I’m a freak because the one thing I can’t bear is to see an animal in pain. I don’t think to apologize.

Silent Bratislava

Travel log part 2

08-11-2007

Guess what! Sofia is not the worst city in Europe! I don’t say Bratislava is worse than Sofia but it is no better either. Maybe it’s a bit cleaner…maybe. Lots of old buildings from the early 20^th century not exactly left to ruin but still dirty and in pretty bad condition. Trams and buses made me feel at home. OK, I have to admit that it is a lot easier for a tourist to get around in Bratislava than in Sofia. On every tram and bus you get information on the current and next stop. Nevertheless it took me over 30 minutes to finally guess the right direction to get my tram to the Main Train station.

I wouldn’t say people here are friendly. Almost no one speaks English, even teenagers. The only convenience is that Slovakian has similarities with Bulgarian which helps me not to feel like being stranded on a desert island.

I have real troubles to find proper food here! All I see are restaurants and pizza bars! Thank god for big supermarkets. The TESCO offers all I need to survive: fruits, dairy products and scary wide variety of mineral water. Try to pick one by reading a label in a language you don’t speak…Once again I’m spending money only on food, water, coffee and internet. Shopping? Me?!

My lunch today-latte and apple pie. Perfect combination!

Two of my Saturday coffee mates called me this morning to ask if we were to meet today and I said: I’d loved to but I’m even not in Bulgaria! But it was so warming to hear familiar voices!

The concert is tomorrow; it’s about time to start seeing people in NIИ T-shirts. I throw a hungry glance at every black T-shirt that gets in my sight. But no; not this time either. I wonder if anyone will recognize me since every time I post a comment on the tour blog page my picture appears. I swear, I spotted a few thorough looks pointed at me.

My verdict: Bratislava has nothing on Sofia…except one thing: a NIИ concert.

I’ve been told once that the reason NIИ have been avoiding Bulgaria could be that no one hasn’t invited them to come. How…I mean…WTF?!?!

I’ve been busy today:

- went to the Main Train station by a tram (over 5 actually until I got on the right one in the right direction);
- took the bus to the airport;
- got back to the Main Train station on the same bus and had some sightseeing on the way;
- from there went back on another bus to Aupark (Bratislava’s shopping centre) that is right across Incheba hotel (it might be right across but it doesn’t mean you can reach it easily);
- walked around Aupark for a couple of hours just looking at shops;
- visited the Bratislava Tourist centre, got a good city map and the location of the nearest internet club;
- an hour later I gave that map to an American tourist that seemed helplessly lost ( “- Do you speak English?” “- Yes, I do.” “- Thank God!” “- But I’m a tourist just as you.” “Oh, God!” ) and directed him to the tourist centre; he looked relieved;

In two days I’ve had more cakes than I allow myself to eat in Sofia in a month. So what? This isn’t happening really :)

After the initial panic now I feel just bored to death. There’s not much to do at the hotel and I can’t afford to hang around Bratislava at night alone. There’s a TV set in my room with just 2 programs good enough to watch:
- VIVA, which is playing over 50 % German music; the other less than 50 % is hip-hop (oops, R&B to be politically correct), some sleazy ballads (Avril, James Blunt etc whatever-your-names-are-you-all-sound-the-same-to-me) and some unidentified boy bands. And SCOOTER. He’s a real phenomena; he’s playing (if that can be called music) the same song for the past 15 years and there are still people that like him! That’s beyond any explanation and logic!
- it’s either VIVA or CNN. And they are such drama queens; worse than a soap opera.

It’s only 4 PM; I wish it was tomorrow already.

I made very few pictures in Bratislava; there isn’t much that’s worth a picture, Socialism remains in giant ugly monsters of concrete and steel and dreadful wall-paintings praising working class.

See? :

Lost

I have no idea about my life-how it should be; what I want it to be like; clueless. I only know I feel most happy when I’m of help of someone else. But how can I be of help of me I don’t know.

Travel log part 1

During my few days in Bratislava (August 10,11,12th) and Prague (August 13,14th) I took time to write in my journal (a lot of time that is; I enjoy it and it brings me comfort to sort out my thought). Now that I read it I see I’ve contradicted myself on many occasions; nevertheless if there’s something I have written then it’s because I’ve felt that way at that particular moment.

08-10-2007

8 AM

Why does passing customs control at the airport have to be so humiliating!? I have to take off not only my belt but also my combat “warrior” boots and go by the metal detector in my socks holding up my trousers with one hand feeling like a victim of a practical joke. Every time!

Hey! Did I just say I was familiar with airports, customs i.e. I had multiple experience with traveling and all the annoying details that accompany it? That was not to be believed mostly by me less than a year ago. That’s definitely good news. I’ve tried it, it’s been horrible on many occasions but I haven’t given up. Stick to that thought, girl; it might be the only thing to hold on to for the next few days.

Authorities scare me. Every time I find facing someone in a uniform I feel like a retard and think: There, now I’ll be busted for saying something really stupid!

Why fear? The plan couldn’t be simpler:

Get on the plane.
Take off.
Land in Vienna.
Pray there’ll be a smoking area at the Sky Europe’s shuttle bus stop.
1 hour on that bus to Bratislava.
Exchange money.
Coffee and cigarettes.

OMG. The machine’s rolling again.

8.50 AM

Baaa, waiting at the gate for boarding feels like the end of the world is coming this way but is running off schedule due to busy traffic.

Accept; accept what you can’t change. Regrets are vampires.

3.15 PM

A latte coffee and a blueberry cheesecake-that’s my lunch. At last!

What an exhausting day! And it’s not over yet! My back is killing me; I’m dirty; I’m tired; I need a rest, a bath and a decent store to buy some decent healthy food. And water! ; lots of it.

Once again it’s not much fun to be alone in a strange town. It’s one of those everything-looks-horrible-at-the-start-but-ends-up-pretty-OK days. And it’s not just because it’s in my nature to see troubles where they don’t even exist. There were some real troubles on the way to Bratislava.

(-) The beginning of it all was delayed. The plane took off to Vienna more than a half an hour later than it should have.

(+) But my companions by seat were quite as mice. A few rows behind some woman didn’t shut her mouth up through the whole flight.

(-) I had no desire to neither read nor write.

(+) But I was very sleepy and instead I napped the whole time.

(-) We all waited a lot for our luggage at the Vienna airport.

(+) But my bag was the second one to come so at least I was spared the dreadful anticipation whether I’ll see it again or not.

Who made me put so many things in my bag?! It’s heavy! Unfortunately there’s not a single unnecessary item in my bag; on the contrary-there wasn’t enough space in it to put everything I’d eventually need on the road.

OK, so I have my bag with me. Now what?

The Sky Europe shuttle bus to Bratislava. Where is it? The Sky Europe site clearly says the bus stops right outside the arrivals hall. Was it true? Nooooo. Luckily I saw a Bulgarian couple that I’d seen on the plane and I asked them if they happened to know where the damn bus should be. To my even greater luck they were looking for it too. So the three of us grabbed our luggage and wandered forth and back all over the airport asking 20 people at least and receiving a different answer each time. We got on the bus literally at the last minute.

Back to flying: we experienced a bit of a rough landing and when the plane finally had full contact with earth all the passengers saluted the captain clapping. That made me smile; it was sweet.

It took the bus less than an hour to Bratislava. And, OMG, we passed right by my hotel! So instead of going all the way to the Main Coach station I got off a lot earlier-just one stop away from hotel Incheba.

So far so good. At least I’m in Bratislava already.

Such sacrifices I bring to the altar of music! Which brings me to the logical question: Am I a music fan or a worshiper? Somehow I can’t imagine regular music fans to put themselves to such misery for the sake of sharing the same air with their favorite bands for an hour and a half.

So I am a worshiper :) It’s not the biggest crime I can think of. Nor it is something to be proud of. It is; end of story.

7 PM

So where was I?

Tomorrow I have to explore the route to the airport and back (twice if necessary); I’ll go to that internet café I saw somewhere (if I only can remember where it was); I’ll by some goods from TESCO supermarket; after that-back to the hotel. Sightseeing? No, thanks.

And, of course, the first picture I took in Bratislava 10 minutes after I got off the bus:

goodbye

What is the matter, my dear? Feeling restless, nervous, insecure? Well…more or less, yes. Last week days were running at high speed; now I’m up to the throat in the monotonous hypnotizing rhythm of “normal” life; there’s nothing to wait for. All the pieces of paper with printed information on the cities to visit, that I used to carry with me everywhere and to spread them all over the table in every café I used to sit at, are useless pieces of paper now. Instead of making survival guides in future tense now I’m waving goodbye by recollecting my memories.

That one is for you, Milla :)

Some Bratislava doors and gates I took pictures of. I don't know if it counts since you haven't seen them with your own eyes but here they are:

I have ended up on the tour blog after all :)

Bratislava, August 12th 2007.
That picture has been posted by Rob under the name Anticipation. T minus 15 minutes. My face is blurry and I look ridiculous of course but that is definitely my hand hanging over the rail because I recognize Sonja by my side and I can tell I've been talking as usual in that very moment.

Code:black

Before the NIИ show in Bratislava a few people stopped me just to tell me they liked my VAC “Lust for blood” T-shirt:)

Latest VIC blog entry is very depressive. In a way I can understand why the number of his fans is so limited and yet it’s such a shame; I really love what he’s doing :((

A saucerful of secrets

Curiosity killed the cat?!

Hum, I wonder how many lives I have left…

Approved

The day started with good news and I don’t care how it will end.

Current mood: happy x 1000000000000

I can’t stop smiling :)))))))))))))))

My main priority now is to be kind and not to let my temper get in the way no matter the pressure I’m under. It’s the price I must pay to be worthy the kindness and help I received from so many strangers. I wish I knew your names.

Who knew

that my colleagues will be so happy to see me back at work?! While I’ve been away there’ve been a lot of people asking when I’d finally be back. It turns out I’ve had fans. That’s a surprise.

Amazed

I do hope that man realizes the power he has over his fans. In Bratislava and Prague I talked for hours with lots of people; different people all connected by the mutual affection to and trust they have in him. That is an enormous responsibility. I don’t know how he handles it.

What do you mean by “Who’s that man?” ?! :)

My current wallpaper

It's a spam entry; so what!? I found the link to that picture on ets and it's from the livejournal of a russian NIИ fan. It's taken in Moscow on August the 1st.
And it's a damn good picture.

In distress

This Friday I’m flying to Bratislava and panic is already holding me in its arms. I just want to get on that plane and forget.

Between naps on the way home

Prague August 5th 2007

If you’re looking for commercial Prahá try travel sites. I was looking for a different view and that was what my camera saw for the 4 and a half hours spent in Prague: