Tuesday, September 22, 2009

From this morning

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Denial is mind’s life vest to assure its survival in extraordinary situations.

I refuse to accept it’s all over for me. No wonder I choose denial over accepting the inevitable truth I will never ever be so happy again. Ever. I can not “wave goodbye”. Sorry. For me that is because I can not be sure I’ll get over it at all-not with my taste for impossible dreams. But it's a dream that was a reality more than once and I want it real again. What was the title of my blog? Year, right. The reasonable part of me is revolted by the drama queen that my other part is but it is my fucking drama and I will cry all the tears I have until my sadness is dried up.

Under no circumstances I could have attended the last ever show. Even if I had a ticket for it because it was originally scheduled for Sept 5th and subsequently postponed for Sept 10th at a time when flight and accommodation rearrangements wouldn’t have been possible. There was no way for me to be there in LA on Thursday night. Some things are final. Being helpless to change the past is devastating.

Yeah, sure, TR will perform live again-in the USA, in Asia perhaps (he’s fond of Asia) but definitely not in Europe-I don’t need a crystal ball to bet on that.