Denial
Denial is mind’s life vest to assure its survival in extraordinary situations.
I refuse to accept it’s all over for me. No wonder I choose denial over accepting the inevitable truth I will never ever be so happy again. Ever. I can not “wave goodbye”. Sorry. For me that is because I can not be sure I’ll get over it at all-not with my taste for impossible dreams. But it's a dream that was a reality more than once and I want it real again. What was the title of my blog? Year, right. The reasonable part of me is revolted by the drama queen that my other part is but it is my fucking drama and I will cry all the tears I have until my sadness is dried up.
Under no circumstances I could have attended the last ever show. Even if I had a ticket for it because it was originally scheduled for Sept 5th and subsequently postponed for Sept 10th at a time when flight and accommodation rearrangements wouldn’t have been possible. There was no way for me to be there in LA on Thursday night. Some things are final. Being helpless to change the past is devastating.
Yeah, sure, TR will perform live again-in the
posted by balance at
2:49 PM
6 Comments:
Good blog.
Thanks. It's good to hear that.
Vera, I bet my big fat ass that NIN will be in Europe again in a couple of years. Shall we bet a dinner at Primavera's?
My friend Seq went to their last show in LA, last Thursday. It was very emotional he said. And they played Joy Division's Atmosphere.
I will bet on anything you know, anything but, shhhhh, you haven’t heard it from me ;) But my offer is not that extreme as it sounds at first because: 1) I really don’t think I can lose and 2) anything I have to lose seems less important than what I could gain here :)
I’m sorry, Milla, for standing aloof lately. I just don’t feel like talking.
As for the last show: your friend is very lucky. That show was indeed very special. Do you know that a regular NIN show lasts for an hour and a half and the setlist is of 20 tracks while the last show lasted over 3 hours and there were 38 tracks on the setlist? It was a show to remember *sigh*
Oh i know about the 38 tracks cos I got some of them on email! He sent me pictures too (he is wodnerful like that!). But I would only be there for the Joy Dision songs...
Ah, it's too late now anyway. I should remove the "Wave goodbye" banner from my blog. I wish I could remove all those regrets from my mind just as easily.
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