Wednesday, May 24, 2017


OMG! Lisa Gerrard, in my hometown, only two weeks away from now! And I'm going :)

"Something isn't sitting right"

Today is a bank holiday and I'm disturbingly happy not to be at work.

To say that I am demotivated would be a huge understatement.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Love is thicker than blood

You know, I'm absolutely crazy about 30STM, I can't wait for the new album (when?), I can't wait for the European tour (WHEN???) but...
One of my fellow NiN-ers posted "Closer" live from the 2008 "Lights in the sky" tour and... I mean, in over 20 years I have listened to that song over a 1000 times (yes, that's 1 followed by three 0s) and yet it still makes me drool. It's a mystery. And apparently it's for life. Lucky me.

"I return to the only place I've ever felt I belong"

Nine Inch Nails: "Closer" live from the "Lights in the Sky" tour (2008) from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.

Saturday, May 13, 2017


The past few weeks were like a never-ending nightmare with occasional breaks of blessed oblivion. The nightmare is far from over, each new day redefines the meaning of exhaustion, and in a couple of weeks I earned more bad karma than in my entire life (not to mention the number of nerve cells destroyed in the process whose loss would've made more sense if I'd drunken myself to death). This too shall pass, I know. What I don't know is if the damages​ done will be reversible. Well, by the end of next week I might not care about that either. 

Sure, work is not worth it. But there's stress and there's stress, and there's only so much stress I can take so I wonder who's taking it now since I've reached my limits​ two weeks ago.

The good news is (surprisingly good news can survive in a hostile environment; who knew?) that stress led to health scare that led to medical checkups that said I was in perfect condition. Good to know I still have enough health left to ruin.

There's even more good news (oh, God, I don't know if I can bare the excitement): now I couldn't care less about anything/anyone that otherwise, in a seminormal situation, would've​ made me miserable. I only care to make it through the day, one day at a time. Not the best way to keep life simple though.

Monday, May 08, 2017

PDA forever

You know how teenagers in love are. Always hand in hand as if an evil power will throw them away in different dimensions if they let go of one another, always making eye contact as an assurance that their object of desire isn't just a hallucination, compulsively kissing and hugging; and when they finally have to part they look at each other and wave goodbye until they lose one another out of sight.

Today I witnessed the whole “young love” ritual from up close… only they weren't teenagers but a couple in their sixties. I was on the subway, opposite them. The woman had to get off and seconds before the door opened the man patted his chest where the heart is with his hand, pointed at her and blew her a kiss. It was the most heartwarming sight I've seen in a long time. 

There's a Drink Water Reminder app. I could use an app to remind me there's more to life than work. 
But there is such an app. It's called "friends". Apparently I need a reminder about that too.

Saturday, May 06, 2017

Stronger...I hope

What a week. I'm not sure if I’ve ever felt so desperate in my life... but maybe my memory fails me. There was so much of everything, simply too much. But then again it wasn't all bad although the bad part was evil bad. There were rays of purifying light as well. I feel as if I was turned inside out, broken down to pieces and brought back together. This week was a walk down the nightmare lane but I made it to the other side and, although there's still no light at the end of the tunnel, at least it's not pitch dark anymore. “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.” For the first time I relate to that. Can we, please, assume that I've learned my lesson? 

What a week...

Saturday, April 22, 2017

"How are you doing?"

The waiter at my favorite café just asked me “How are you doing?” and I was like “Umm, next question please.”

I just can't get used to that version of “hi”. Each time someone throws it at me my reflex is to catch it and throw it back instead of simply letting it fall. “How are you doing?” I hate that phrase because everytime I fall for it and I start to seriously consider it; the conclusion is rarely positive. The last time it was my boss who said it and I heard myself mumbling “I've been better.” I doubt he’ll inquire ever again.

When will I learn to simply say "Fine"? I guess I'm a slow learner.

Hey, kitty

He couldn't care less about me but then again he's a cat:

Monday, April 17, 2017

Sweet dreams

It's unpleasantly cold today which is why the sliding door at my favorite café is closed and I had to get up to open it for that dear old lady as she left. This time she said to me “I hope that this year will bring you something very lovely.” The expression on her face was so firm that it made her words sound ominous. “Well,” I thought “I hope you're right. It's about time.”

And then I remembered that article that I read just minutes before that. It was on Carl Sagan accurately (scarily accurately, as the article points) predicting the state of the world today over 20 years ago. One of the things the article mentions is the fondness people (will) have for horoscopes. The concept is apparently known as “optimism bias” and in simple words that translates as “people see what they want to see”.

Well, why not, if it helps me get out of bed in the morning. What else is motivation but choosing to see something that isn't there and does it really matter where you get it from?

Brilliant :)

I saw that quote in an article that attributed it to Winston Churchill but Google returned a different name. Either way it's brilliant.

Orchid in bloom

It bloomed yesterday. It's not much of an orchid - it looks simple and ordinary compared to all these intricately shaped and rare orchids that I've seen only on pictures. But this one is in my home and to be able to observe its delicacy up close and personal feels strangely exciting: