"Every sky is blue but not for me"

As if life wasn’t fucked up enough already and now smoking gets banned in cafés all over Sofia-it’s infectious! Some will say that Bulgaria is simply adopting the Western countries criteria but that’s one way to look at it. Another (my) way is that smoking indoors was a minor compensation for the lack of all the goodies that the above mentioned counties but ours enjoy. And now I don’t have that too! Thank you, thank you for making me feel like a leper. My life just improved :(

I’m almost literally at the end of my strength-physical, emotional, mental. I have tons of correspondence to return but I’m not able to send back even “hello; how are you”. I miss my friends but for the past few weeks I’m so unfit for socializing that I have no choice but to keep away and wait for better days to come. I can only hope my friends will be patient enough.

Vincent, my dear Vincent-he’s…he reached the point I feared most. I postpone going home and see him like that-just standing and staring into nothing for hours, lifeless, like a plush doll. No one can help me. No one can help him. He was given a certain time and that time is almost done. Pretty soon I’ll have to make the hardest decision in my life. I’m tense as a stretched bow and I have to clench my teeth not to yell at my parents: Why did you do this to me? Why did you put me to such a misery? My silent scream sticks in my throat and the swallowed tears choke me. “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” Fuck that! I’m in pain for which there is no painkiller. I’ll never go through that hell again.