Pass on

Maybe that “carpe diem” thing is just a soothing lie. Maybe the only way to appreciate the present is from future’s perspective. Maybe every next present is worse than those before it making them seem better than they seemed originally.

Maybe I need to smile. And I probably will-tomorrow, when today's present will be replaced by a new, even less acceptable one.  

Startled

I had a nightmare.

Nothing new here but this one was peculiarly consistent and detailed; persistent too-at some point I woke up and fell back to sleep but the dream went on from where it had stopped.

I was supposed to catch a plane. But I was not in Sofia but in some other, foreign city. I got at the airport on time and sat to wait. Half an hour before taking off I realized I didn’t check-in meaning I didn’t have a boarding pass, I didn’t know which gate to go to; not to mention customs and passport control. And I had no idea where to go for checking-in. I remember running around trying to find any information, asking almost every airport employee but no one knew anything. And I missed the plane. I went back home (apparently, though in a foreign city, there was a place to return to); my father was there (?????). I was hysterical, couldn’t stop crying and he said “Keep your voice down-there’s a pregnant woman in the next room” (?!?!?!?). And it was then that I woke up again. It took me awhile to realize it was just a dream; it felt too tangible and I decided to get up-I didn’t want to risk a third sequel.

I was a tough week. I guess it will take more than a weekend to stop feeling misplaced. 

Who would've guessed…

... that at present 30 SECONDS TO MARS were more popular than NIN!? But that is what numbers show and you can’t argue with numbers:

Official Nine Inch Nails Facebook page: close to 3 000 000 likes;

Official 30 SECONDS TO MARS Facebook page: close to 10 000 000 likes.

Oops.

So that’s why then. In Berlin Jenny and Aki asked what other bands I was listening to. When I said “Nine Inch Nails” the name rang no bells with them-none what so ever. I had the same zero reaction in Italy-no one knew there was such a band called NIN. Huh!

Beautiful

A friend posted this short movie on my FB wall (for which I'm most grateful). It needs no comment-just a heart in the right place:

Kaleidoscopic

Fuck reason-it kills all the fun.

Fuck excuses-no one but you gives a shit about them. Truth hurts but that doesn't make it any less truth.

Fuck despair-it will only keep your eyes blind for the all endless possibilities out there.

Embrace the world-with so many people in it at least one will hug you back.

And if it still doesn’t work have a cup of green tea :)

"This night we sing we sing"

Just a few shots. Sure, I’m glad I have an evidence of actually being there but it was far more important for me to enjoy the concert with every bit of my body, heart and mind and suck every drop of pleasure out of it than to waste precious time with the camera. Oh, the joy to scream and shout and sing the songs like there will be no tomorrow…that’s priceless!

I want more.

30 SECONDS TO MARS – Lucca, Italy, 13.07.2013

A tour bus-I love taking pictures of tour buses :)

And the fans...OMG, the fans! They were...umm, extreme? Yeah, that's one way to put it. I guess whatever Italians do they do it with passion. No wonder Jared loves Italy so much. 

And, take it from me-don't ever mess with an Italian fan. Ever.

Gig buddy wanted

I went to Italy alone. In Lucca I was 7^th or 8^th row (quite good). But! After 8 hours of standing in queue (it was pure hell; I’m surprised I survived) I was so dehydrated that I was close to fainting and I had no other choice but to leave my spot and find some water to drink. It was either that (8 hours for fuck’s sake!) or be the next one to be carried out on a stretcher-as I saw it happen to a dozen of people during the long hours of waiting. 

Moral of the story: must find a gig buddy. With this band, you stand no chance to survive the crowd if you are alone. I've never ever imagined Italian fans would be so violent! 

Someone uploaded footage from Lucca – pre- and from the concert. Hey, the one with the orange T-shirt at 0:18 is me!

Quiet tantrum

Conforming to routine again makes me want to SCREEEEAAAAM!

Back...but why?

I am officially post-gig depressed. Both 30 SECONDS TO MARS concerts-in Lucca and Padova, were simply… I don’t know what words to use-amazing, fantastic, mind-blowing, to die for. Yeah, I like the last one best. They were to die for. It was too good to be true and yet it was true. I can’t focus on anything and I don’t want to-I need to spend some more time in that fairytale. I must find a way to go to at least one more concert-it's a dream I don't wake up from; it's a dream that feels too good to let it go without a fight.

And Jared's voice was simply perfect-on both shows: 

It's time to go to war

Oh dear, tomorrow I’ll see 30 SECONDS TO MARS again! I can’t believe it’s happening. I’m stressed out beyond reason-will the trip be OK? did I book everything correctly? will I be lucky to befriend someone at the queue as I was in Berlin? how will the other fans be this time? will it be worth all the efforts, nerves and time I put into this adventure? I can’t wait for the machine to roll and have my questions answered.

Wish me luck. One can never have too much of it. 

Alarmed...as usual

At that time tomorrow I’ll be biting my nails on the plane to Milan. It looks like I'm all set but there's that dreadful feeling I might have overlooked something important. I was nervous before Berlin and now that I know what to expect I’m twice as nervous.

Is it OK to panic now?

I’m off to Italy on Friday-can I have a moment for a panic attack? It seems like I have all the important aspects of the trip covered and yet there’s a lot I feel insecure about. Right now I’m terrified to the verge of nausea.

"Time is running, got to go
Fate is coming, that I know..."

I need someone to tell me it'll be OK, even if it's a lie-I'd buy anything right now. 

No more

The surest way to fail is to not try at all. How often I used to forget about that.
Life's too short to waste time on regrets.

One problem down

Maybe not in the smartest way possible but given the circumstances and my status of a solo traveler it seemed the only way for the time being.

On Sunday I wrote both to the Piazzola sul Brenta city council and Padova tourist board asking to assist me with information on the transport between the two cities. Surprise! Or maybe not - none of them replied. (hello? is there anybody out there?)  OK, fine, whatever. So I wrote to the management of the hotel I’ll be staying at in Padova providing all the details: that July 14^th is Sunday, that I’ll be needing transport to Piazzola sul Brenta and I’ll be needing transport the same evening back to Padova. I specified that renting a car was an option I could’t use and getting a taxi was an option I’d rather not use (it has nothing to do with money and everything to do with safety). This time there was an immediate response (that is how you win loyal customers) though discouraging: “Dear Mrs Antonova, we are very sorry but there is no service organized to go to Piazzola sul Brenta. To go to the concert maybe you can use the public bus that takes 30 minutes, but there is no possibility to come back.”

WT*!?

But then there was sunshine after rain: “If you want we can arrange a private car to go and come back from the hotel.”

Oh. OH! The price is whopping but, let’s face it, I am in no position to choose. It’s one thing to negotiate with an anonymous taxi driver to come and pick you up late at night in a strange town in a foreign country; and completely different to have an official arrangement with your hotel. So I said “Sure, charge it.”

Maybe on the day of the concert I’ll be able to go to Piazzola sul Brenta by bus. Maybe during the long pre-concert hours I’ll manage to find someone with a car to drive me back to Padova. Possibly maybe. Luck will more than welcome on this trip but I prefer to leave for Italy with as fewer unknowns as possible.

Love that remix