Think again

This morning Euronews had a report on a Pakistani woman stoned to death by her own family because she had the audacity to disobey them and married a man of her own choice.

And I thought I had problems…

On pins and needles

Yesterday ended without any disturbing updates from the 30 SECONDS TO MARS camp. But these days work gets me so utterly tired that nothing less impressive than an alien attack can shake me. 
Or so I think. 

Survivalism

Another set of 30 SECONDS TO MARS concerts was postponed yesterday - again "due to medical reasons". Nothing has been said about the European leg of the tour…so far. What if my shows get postponed too? And if that happens I don’t want to even begin to imagine the troubles it will get me in. 

On top of everything today seems to be one of those days when everything that could go wrong goes wrong. It will be a miracle if the day ends without casualties.

"What's on your mind?" asks Facebook. Well, let's just say the content is explicit. 

Rise’n’shine

Even if it feels like a mission impossible. What other choice is there anyway?

NIN, Berlin, Zitadelle Spandau, 15.05.2014

My only picture from that memorable in so many ways evening: with Valeri and Mariyana, the most wonderful new friends I could wish for.

I desperately want to go to Vienna-NIN have a concert on June 9^th . But presale tickets are long sold out meaning that there will be at least 600 people in front of me meaning I will be at least 10^th row. I'm not traveling 1000 km and waiting at least 8 hours to be 10th row. Damn. 

Uncertain

Pity I no longer believe in signs - I could really use one right now.

Reunion

At the NIN concert in Berlin I met a girl that I’ve met on more than one NIN concert back in 2007 and 2009. Actually it was she who waved her hand at me smiling “Hey, it’s really good to see you again!” That night was a special one for her because it was her 50^th NIN concert. 50^th!!! She said “You know what? You should see them in Japan. Trent loves Japan and he’s very different when NIN play there.” Umm, right. Japan. I was tempted to ask what she was doing for a living but didn’t.    

Perspectives

One of the consoling privileges of the age I'm at (not that at my age there can be privileges of any other kind) is that I no longer need my, let's call them idols to be perfect. They are humans ergo they have flaws-and I'm absolutely OK with that.

Happy birthday, Trent

I want to know everything

I want to be everywhere

I want to fuck everyone in the world

I want to do something that matters

Soul for sale

Would sell my soul for concert tickets. Anyone interested? It's secondhand but in good condition.

Willkommen in Berlin

It's good to be back :)

Vague sense of curiosity

I'm flying to Berlin in a couple of days but this time I don't feel in the least agitated. It is Berlin after all-I believe it can surprise me only in a good way. Still if a little bit of luck should come my way I wouldn't turn it down. My mind needs a change of scenery and my soul needs an adventure-I'm sure Berlin is the perfect place to provide both.

Did I mention that I'm seeing Nine Inch Nails? :))) I wonder how it is going to be. I'm not stressed about it, I'm just curious.

I will love it of course! I'm sure I'll love every second of it :)

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

Not only this girl has a striking voice but the music she makes is outlandish just enough to attract and hold my attention. And the lyrics are just as fascinating as she is:

TEEN IDLE

I wanna be a bottle blonde
I don't know why but I feel conned
I wanna be an idle teen
I wish I hadn't been so clean
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I want blood, guts and chocolate cake
I wanna be a real fake

Yeah I wish I'd been a,
Wish I'd been a teen, teen idle
Wish I'd been a prom queen
Fighting for the title
Instead of being sixteen
and burning up a bible
Feeling super, super (super!) Suicidal

The wasted years, the wasted youth
The pretty lies, the ugly truth
And the day has come
Where I have died
Only to find I've come alive

I wanna be a virgin pure
A 21st century whore
I want back my virginity
So I can feel infinity
I wanna drink until I ache
I wanna make a big mistake
I want blood, guts and angel cake
I'm gonna puke it anyway

I wish I wasn't such a narcissist
I wish I didn't really kiss the mirror
When I'm on my own
Oh god! I'm gonna die alone
Adolescence didn't make sense
A little loss of innocence
The ugly years of being a fool
Ain't youth meant to be beautiful?

Feeling super, super, super! Suicidal!
I've come alive

Shift

In a younger age my main concern was whether other people will accept me.

Now my main concern is whether I will accept those so called “other people”.

So from being the intruder I grew up to be the host.

Curious.

Right-brained or left-brained?

The result from taking the test was no surprise what so ever:

There are two types of people -

- those unable to understand the happiness a concert can bring and those who are ready to sell a kidney for a chance to feel that happiness all over again :)

"The Valuable Time of Maturity"

Yes, I know, it’s the type of writings that make you roll your eyes when you’re young and perky and you think you know everything and the last thing you want is someone telling you that you don’t. And as time goes by and your life goes by you just might come to remember those writings and say: Yes, it is so true; I can see that now.

“The Valuable Time of Maturity” by Mário Raul de Morais Andrade

“I counted my years and discovered that I have fewer years left to live compared to the time I have lived until now.

I feel like that kid who won a package of goodies: the first ate them eagerly, but when he perceived that there were few, he began to savour them deeply.

I have no time for endless meetings where discuss statutes, rules, procedures and regulations, knowing that it will not achieve anything.

I have no time to withstand ridiculous people who, despite their chronological age have not grown.

I don’t have time to deal with mediocrity.

I do not want to be in meetings where parade inflated egos.

I won’t tolerate manipulators and opportunists.

Bother me envious, seeking to discredit the most able, to usurp their places, talents and achievements.

I detest people who do not argue about content but titles.

My time is too precious to discuss titles.

I want the essence, my soul is in a hurry. Not many treats are left in the packet.

I want to live among human people, very human. People, who can laugh at their mistakes.

Who do not become full of themselves because of their triumphs.

Who do not consider themselves elite, before they have really become one.

Who do not run away from their responsibilities.

Who defend human dignity.

Who do not want anything else but to walk along with truth, righteousness, honesty and integrity.

The essential thing is what makes life worthwhile.

I want to surround myself with people who can touch the hearts of others.

People who despite the hard knockouts of life, grew up with a soft touch in their soul.

Yes, I am in a hurry. So that I can live with the intensity, which only maturity can give me.

I intend not to waste any of the treats I have left. I am sure they will be more exquisite compared to the ones I have eaten so far.

My goal is to reach the end satisfied and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience.

I hope yours is the same, because the end will come anyway…”

That's the way I see it

What does "Sex and the city" teach? It's simple: that finding true love is a matter of chance-nothing more, just blind chance. I find that comforting. A romance that isn't casual to begin with would seem more like a job interview.

Just

Don't you just hate it when people are judgmental about things they don't have the slightest idea about? Because it gets me out of my skin when I see that happen. Judging is the easiest thing in the world-it takes no efforts and demands no skills. In other words-every moron can do it; and every moron does it. So try to do better than that and take a good look in the mirror before speaking up. If a moron is what you see then go ahead and knock yourself out.

#TRIADalert :)

My very own and very personal triad. 
Isn't it lovely? :)

Unforeseen

Yesterday 30 Seconds to Mars postponed their Latin America shows due to “health reasons”.  And that’s it-no more information, just “Our most sincere apologies for this inconvenience.”

Inconvenience? That’s not inconvenience-that’s a bloody disaster. Oh dear. I hope everything will be fine for my concerts. I hope there will be no rescheduling, no postponement or, God forbid!, cancellation.

Is that selfish? From an unbiased perspective I’m sure it is but I’m not unbiased-I’m right in the middle of it, I know how much it means to me. I need those concerts. Need them-like I need air…or so it seems at least. Fingers crossed!

Just for the record: selfish would be if in a certain situation I choose to act in a way that will exclusively benefit me regardless to how it will affect everyone else involved. There’s no such thing here. In this situation I’m just a spectator.

P.S. I just figured why these concerts are so important-because 10 years from now they will be the only thing i'll remember from my life now.  

Spring racket

Good that people don’t vocalize their lust impulses as cats do. It would've been unbearably awkward.

Single quo

To be honest, never in my life I have dreamed or wanted to marry (to my mother's horror I'm sure). At some point in my childhood I though that marriage was something that came naturally and was in a way inevitable in nature-like growing permanent teeth and pimples. I thought it was something that eventually works out somehow. Well, I was just a kid who's only concerns were A grades at school and playtime with friends (and friendships were a lot easier then weren't they?). But even later on, when I became aware of the concept of marriage it still didn't hold any appeal to me. I only wanted to be in love...without the collateral consequences.

I probably have it all wrong but I can't help thinking about marriage as the end of the fairytale. The thrill of the chase is over, uncertainty is silenced, ownership is claimed-it's pretty much like the after prom day: the excitement is consumed and someone has to wash the dirty dishes. I see no fairytale in that. Yes, I know I’m approaching it from the wrong angle. But it is my story…and my ending.