Brendan Perry, March 28th 2010, Sofia

There is this rare kind of people who seem to be surrounded by a halo of inner light too strong to remain unseen. Brendan Perry turned out to be one of them as I found out first ears and eyes last night at his concert in Sofia. A truly magical experience, cozy and heartwarming as home-coming after a long absence. If there was a flaw at all it would be that is ended too soon, way too soon before we were willing to let him go…though chances are we never would’ve been. Who knew it would be so amazing!? The same voice I know from the recordings, paralyzingly beautiful, telling stories one after another to a mesmerized crowd. The concert is long over but some of that inner light still glows inside my heart like a good luck charm to protect me from obscurity.

Sigh

It is indeed tragic that body and mind don’t grow old simultaneously.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

"Last day of the session!"

TR twitted that some 5 hours ago. Luckily work is somewhat slow this morning ‘cause half my brain is busy chewing the update while the other half pulls my mouth into an idiotic smile as I’m just an inch from drooling :) Routine pays off today.

Ah! A new NIN album just around the corner. And it’s not even Christmas yet!

Synopsis

For 2 decades now my life is more or less a mess. It used to be more because I foolishly hoped I could have everything I wanted (foolishly because I had no idea at the time what that “everything” was). It is less now because the “everything” got significantly reduced eventually while hope was replaced by its milder version-building castles in the air (the spa for the weary soul). My life didn’t change-I did. I adjusted to it to make it fit and feel comfortable as a pair of old slippers. I’m the water in the vase taking its shape, evaporating a little each second.

Some other day then

The possibilities I wrote about in my previous entry:

Every human being can (is actually free to) choose whether to be good or bad. So in those early morning hours when everybody is still or just falling asleep I dream that maybe today is going to be the day when people will choose the former. And then I turn on the news just to see that is not going to be today.

Among other things to be mature means to realize life is unfair. It is a fact…but it doesn’t mean it has to be that way. The common occurrence of something doesn’t make it right.

“Has anyone told you you think too much?” That question was addressed to me a couple of hours ago. WTF!? How much is enough?!

Is that it?

Strange are the early morning hours when for some the day is yet to come to a closer while others just step into their next 24 hours of delusion - the duality of everything evident even in the possible different perception of such a simple matter. Under the veil of darkness when there is no vanity to distract the mind emotions make way to reason and everything looks too obscured or too clear but never as it appears in the light of the zombifying mundane fuss. A short opening in the wall keeping me in my cell. The taste of the limitless possibilities runs through my body warm as a ray of sunlight on a freezing winter’s day and I’m reluctant to go back to the cold routine-the glimpse of all there could be awakens to life senses I thought were petrified through the years of repetition of rituals disguised as time-saving skills. Getting up, instant coffee, Euronews, weather forecast, shower, breakfast, bus, office, office, office, bus, home, dinner, TV, book, sleep. The Groundhog day-only not as fun when I play the leading part. Now and then in the morning I rebelliously snatch some time off and play some music in the comfort of my headphones as if to prove to myself I am still the master of my own life. And then the contrast becomes painfully visible. The “other life”, the one inside the invisible fence, makes me feel like a toy that is played with. Do toys dream to become alive? Isn’t it better to have a life of fallacy without realizing it than to be aware of it with no chances to escape it? And if I could choose what would it be? But I can choose-then I must have made the choice already.

Am I the only one longing for something that can not be bought because it has no price?