Bow-wow

During the summer I went around a dozen times to participate in the dog walks at the Bogrov shelter. However the physical and mostly the emotional effort proved to be unbearable for me and in October I had to call it quits. Ever since I only donate money. Remorse grew weaker with time but didn’t vanish-the feeling I don’t do enough still remains.

A week ago Animal Rescue Sofia posted a link to a short documentary about the shelter and their work. Surprise, surprise: I’m in it-for just a few seconds but that’s definitely me; I recognized the disposable T-shirt that I bought especially for that activity and those are definitely my stick-like hands petting a black dog.

I’m seriously considering renewing my volunteer work there. I felt miserable when I used to go; I felt equally miserable when I stopped. If I am to be miserable either way I might as well do some good.  

I must be dreaming :))))))

The day started just like any other day.

And then I came to work, logged into my nin.com account and…

A tour! A TOUR! Oh my, I’m still breathless. And I can’t take the grin off my face. I didn’t know how much I wanted it before it came within reach.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

My fluffy seal

Backup

I want to be a passenger in a car driving through the streets at midnight and watch the city lights fly before my defocused gaze like a rainbow river while Ulrich Schnauss is on the stereo. I want the magic of the dark that veils the obvious in favour of the obscure.

Did I...?

“Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got”

Great lyrics.

Why did I think of it? The question just popped in my mind: did I asked too much?, and the rest of the words followed as naturally as everlasting wisdom encrypted in my DNA.

I threw the question randomly, addressing it to the universe as a whole. I threw it the way I would throw a coin in a wishing well with no end-I could listen for an eternity and still never get to hear the sound of the coin hitting the bottom. 

You were saying…?

FB asks me “What’s happening, Vera?”. That is a ridiculous and depressing question. If I am on FB it means nothing’s happening. 

Transferable

A week ago one of my colleagues told me he has downloaded the entire NIN discography. And now he comes to me with questions, impressions; sometimes simply to share his excitement.

I envy him.

Ambi-

To be in denial of reality is my only way to accept it.

Up for a crash

I operate on automatic pilot for so long already that I expect it to run out of batteries any moment now.

Revert

I dreamt of Vincent last night. We were out for a walk. One second he was next to me, the next second he was nowhere to be seen. I looked for him but I couldn’t find him. In my dream I knew he was gone for good and I’d never see him again. I wish I remembered more of this dream than just the farewell part. I miss him.

"Don't push me 'cause..."

Right in this very moment what I really, really and I mean REALLY want is to lock myself in an isolated room and scream my lungs out.

reflectō

I listen to this song and I get so nostalgic about my The Smiths and The Cure albums. And, sure, there are issues far more important, serious, deep I could write about…but I’m trying hard not to even think about them let alone elaborate on them.

I listen to this song and imagine I’m back in time, still a stranger to depression, still ignorant about sadness, still untouched by sorrow.

Silence is golden

HTDA have just released a video to the song “How long” from the upcoming “Welcome Oblivion” album. And I wouldn’t have known about it if it wasn’t for the NIN Army’s FB status – that’s how little I care for TR’s current project and after hearing “How long” I care even less. I wanted to like it; really (I was hoping to love it actually). But…  

The song is a disappointment. And not because it’s so bad but because it is expected from TR to be above the rest. 

I at least expect it.