March 26th 2007 – day 6

Written in my diary on March 26^th 2007 :

OK, last night’s show..
Something happened…something beautiful.

Funny, before my first NIN concert I was freaking out: “What am I going to wear? I must look cool!” etc etc etc. Yesterday I just grabbed a T-shirt, took a quick look in the mirror to see if something hasn’t stuck in my hair and left the room.

Brandy…Brandy is a sunshine! I know she’s like that with everyone but the smile she gave me while giving me the ticket saying: “Have fun!” really brightened my dark skies. And oh so dark they were! After Saturday’s disaster yesterday I was walking to Columbiahalle with heavy heart and heavy thoughts as if I was going to meet my doom. I was thinking: “Last night I survived but maybe tonight I’ll not be that lucky”.

There was no Meet & Greet. Again. I don’t know why I want to be present at M & G. What am I going to say anyway? What do you say if you’re given the chance of just one sentence? I guess all I want/need to say is “Thank you”.

Luckily the lights were not very bright through most of “Something I can never have” because I cried. Yes, again. I don’t understand that. What is that magic that song has? I’ve heard it thousands of times and yet every time it feels like that first time 17 years ago when I first heard it in some music store. And it flipped my world and nothing was the same ever since. Last night it happened again. I closed my eyes and just listened to the voice and tears rolled down against my will. Magic.

Set list :

Mr. Self Destruct
Sin
Terrible Lie
Last
Gave Up
Wish
March Of The Pigs
Help me I’m In Hell/ERASER – fantastic as always
Closer
Somewhat Damaged
No You Don’t
The Frail/The Wretched
Into The void
La mer
You Know What You Are
Only
The Hand That Feeds
Head Like A Hole
And of course SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE

The atmosphere was special-there was something in the air. The band seem to enjoy themselves. And I screamed my lungs out. I can barely talk today but what the hell.

Thank you for that show.

The concert is long over but the magic remains still.

I got my wish-I did meet interesting people while waiting in the Spiral queue! But that is not correct at all-I got much more than I’ve wished for-I met two beautiful and lovely people, the loveliest of all – Kurt and Barbara from Texas, USA.
Like I said, On March 25^th at around 3 PM I was walking to Columbiahalle feeling desperate and miserable as possible. I had no hopes, no expectations. All the Spiralers were already there. I went to the end of the line, sat on the ground and spent the next 3 hours without moving at all holding my knees with my hands trying to get warm. Here’s the proof. Someone took a picture of the Spiral line and there’s me up front:

I look miserable because that was how I felt.
And then a couple came in the line. I heard them speak; I recognized the USA accent. I looked at them-the guy seemed familiar. We spoke-he happened to remember me from Amsterdam. I told them about the bad experience from last night and they gave me a good advice where the safest spot was-by the rail a little to the right/left of the centre. As we were passing security he told me: “Choose a good spot today” and I answered “I will. I prefer to enjoy the concert; not to fight for my life”. I left my jacket at the wardrobe and rushed to the rail-a little bit on the right as they had told me; I looked around and there they were-right next to me! Lovely people; I can’t thank them enough for their kindness! Luckily I’ll see them again in Vienna!

7 PM
My smile is gone now blown away by the ruthless Berlin wind. The realization of loss… Is it going to happen again? The magic…will it be repeated again?

God, how sad I am now.

The hostel is full of noisy French students. They are annoying and vulgar. Maybe I’m unjust. Right now everything annoys me.

Tomorrow I go to Vienna.