Saturday, December 15, 2007

Another bullshit post

I finish work at 5 PM. And what do I do next? Go home? No fucking way; anything but to go straight home. “Home” is just a word I use to refer to the concrete box where my belongings are, where I keep my bath towel and my toothbrush and where my bed is; “home” bears a descriptive meaning and no emotional what so ever. So where can a single…err, woman (I have to leave that girly thing where it belongs-in the past) go to kill a couple of hours on a working wintry evening? To a café, where else? There are 5 cafés that I feel comfortable in to enjoy my solitude. 2 of them are a bit far away-I go there on weekends, so that leaves me to choose between the other 3. One of them is my favorite: all the waiters are boys (I repeat: boys; no dirty thoughts, please, I’ve never had them myself…I mean, the thoughts :))) who greet me very warmly every time and since I’m a regular we chat as if we are friends (a few days ago one of the boys asked me: Are you writing a book? :)...whatever...); the cappuccino is great and it comes with a fortune slip (as lame as it is but I still find it very exciting to unroll it and read what’s on it. Sometimes it does change my mood to better; like that one: “If you can laugh at yourself you’ll always have something to laugh about.”); if there’s no free table the boys always manage to find a place for me; I feel welcome there and the fact that I leave a good tip every time has nothing to do with it (I’m sure about the last one; and that is why it gives me a great pleasure to tip them). I love that café.

But I can’t go there every evening because I am ashamed. I’ve seen that only in the movies: men/women drinking alone at the bar until the pub closes because no one awaits them at home. Well, it’s not a pub, and I order cappuccino but the last part is the same. I don’t have a reason to go home.

I don’t care if that post makes me look like a loser. I care little if not at all about what people think of me.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"There are 5 cafés that I feel comfortable in to enjoy my solitude."

I've enjoyed your solitude in 3 of them, know about one more, which leaves 1 unknown somewhere out there...

And you look great in coffees - no wonder the boy asked if you write a book, since you have the writing equipment always with you. :P :)

M. (Pavel)

3:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

coffees=cafes :)))))

3:04 PM  
Blogger balance said...

Thank you, dear; you brought me a smile in the nick of time :)

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you enjoy your solitude?

3:46 PM  
Blogger balance said...

At first I was to post something to make me look smart such as that it’s not a Y/N answer but “considering”. The honest answer however is a firm “No”. I enjoy my solitude when I feel good, confident; when I don’t question who I am and what I am doing here (in this world, I mean) but that is not how I feel lately.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Bla said...

Mee too.

4:46 PM  
Blogger balance said...

You too?! “You too” to what? To everything? To most of it? If I don’t know I can’t go further with my answer now…fuck, I just thought you were more fit than me to deal with life; I’m sorry if I have misunderstood your comment; the fact that you might relate to those words is too unexpected. I’d really like to know.

8:24 PM  
Blogger balance said...

Oh, now I (think I) get it. You meant you were feeling lately the same way, right? The night before I had only 4 hours of sleep and last night my mind was still on strike ;)
Anyway, it was nice to hear from you :)

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

“Home” is just a word I use to refer to the concrete box where my belongings are, where I keep my bath towel and my toothbrush and where my bed is; “home” bears a descriptive meaning and no emotional what so ever.

My words explaining "home" would be exactly the same.
And this is shit, isn't it??? :-(

5:48 PM  
Blogger balance said...

My thoughts exactly! Plus now that my parents are here for the winter I basically go “home” just to spend the night. I think it’s because I’m terrified to be alone. I might sit alone most of the times in those cafés I go to but at least there’s someone behind the bar and other people on the tables. It doesn’t feel as dead. I am a loner by nature and I can’t be affectionate to lots of people by default. That is why I have just a few friends but they are the real thing.
So when are we going to have a coffee together? :)

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:-) a coffee...hm... maybe one day I'll just say hi behind your back! :-)

11:11 PM  
Blogger balance said...

Sun, you're most welcome to surprise me any time :)

6:04 PM  

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