Sunday, November 25, 2007

Reminiscences

“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another

But isn’t that a simple fact of life?! People can be divided in two categories: those who seek and those who offer. I am the seeking type. I seek people that offer their benevolence and good-will. I seek people who would do me the favor to accept that what I have to offer. Two types of people: giving and receiving. It is in my nature to give but I need a receiver. Probably because that is the only way I can feel appreciated…and needed; and because in its turn that is the only way for me to believe that there’s a purpose to my existence; that I matter. I need to believe that I am a part, no matter how insignificant, of a greater scheme and that everything I do is in a way, no matter how distant, of an importance to the final result.

I need to believe.
And I do believe.

Even if it was just to seek “The Fragile” lyrics on the net 7 years ago and that way to find Jonathan’s page and to start my correspondence with him in a moment when he was even in a deeper hole than I was at the time and to (as I think) drag him out in the sunlight (because in his last few letters he wasn’t even mentioning the word “suicide”, he was looking forward with joy for Christmas for the first time in years, he was starting a new job and he was just about to get married and ,yes, I do believe my letters to him had a lot to do with that reviving change) then my life hasn’t been for nothing.

Nine Inch Nails – connecting people :))

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