Cracks
“It is said that passion makes one think in a circle.” - The Picture of Dorian Gray, chapter XVI
Passion not necessarily physical as lust but in terms of being consumed by the thought of whatever it is that you really care about; passion as belonging. For some time it feels fabulous. You feel special; you walk above the ground and none of the dirt scattered on it can touch and contaminate you. The world is the same but your eyes are blind to its flaws because your mind is in a different dimension where illusions are real enough to be believed. Occasionally you get to notice some of the common people that have to be content with one world only and you almost feel sorry for them because you have so much more than they’d ever dare to dream of. Life seems perfect-why wouldn’t it be? it’s your own creation. But then, one day, without warning, your feelings deceive you and you see cracks in your perfect picture through which the filth of the real world creeps in and the weight of everything you’ve been spared while being under the spell of your dreams crushes you for it is unbearable for one’s mind to adjust to ugliness after being exposed to beauty for so long.
I just saw a boy in a wheel chair. To spend your life trapped by the inability of your body is a fate worse than death. Seeing that boy made another crack in my perfect picture. Little deaths everywhere.
posted by balance at
8:11 PM
4 Comments:
"Life seems perfect-why wouldn’t it be? it’s your own creation."
It isn't really. It's a matter of fate what kind of life you get. Of course, you can do things to change its course through the decisions you take every day (from when you get up until you go to bed) but ultimately life creates itself. That is why we don't know when we will die -and that is pretty good coz otherwise most people would go mad.
Life is what you make of it, but its creation depends on it own self.
Am I drinking too much coffee these days?
You mean that it’s up to you whether you’ll see the glass as half full or half empty? Yes, you’re right (if that was what you meant). I used to answer to that one: “Glass?! There was supposed to be a glass?! How come no one has told me? ” :) Ah, you seem to be the last of my blog’s readers to remain. In a way I like it-the blog is back in my possession. The other occasional commentators probably have gotten tired of that depressive phase of mine. Actually it is the other way around-it’s my natural state of mind. I don’t know a shit about life; never have and that is why I created one in my head but it seems to be not enough anymore.
BTW, Many’s birthday is on May 16th-in case it slips your mind (I’m telling you here because I’m pretty sure he visits this place no more).
Am I drinking too much coffee these days?
Are you? :))
I think you can have your life in your head but mix it with the one outside your head a little bit; you should be fine ;-)
Oh you would be surprised who goes and visits your blog. I always thought no one went, and then I realised I had a stalker from Norway who went 25 times a day! ah ah you just don't know. So maybe Mani is still visiting you.
I haven't forgotten his birthday :)
Oh well, today is a whole different story. Today I feel calm and relaxed, my mind is at ease and there’s a smile on my face since early morning (very early morning-5 AM; don’t ask). I don’t know why today I feel the way I feel and I don’t care; I don’t know which life I live today. The one thing to matter to me now is that it is a beautiful day and I fully enjoy it.
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