Reprise

This morning I looked for a particular single sheet of paper with a certain text on it printed from internet some years ago. I was sure I still had it-I never learned the art of throwing things away, and I knew it was stashed in one of the big shoe boxes full of many other prints. The search had no chance but to turn into a walk down the memory lane-inside I found tons of receipts for buying concert tickets, maps of cities I’ve been to, song lyrics, interviews, concert and album reviews (yes, all of it exclusively NIN related), as well letters and messages to me and my replies and blue prints of replies to Jonathan, Susanne, Carla, Karen, Andrea, (and, of course Mr.Nobody and Chimp...oh, my, was that even real?!), Kris, Sonja-hundreds of pages of it dating from 2001 to 2009. I had no recollection about being on such close terms with some of those people; I mean, I did recall liking them a lot but I had forgotten that they apparently had liked me equally back. We were discussing deeply personal issues, people sought my advice and came back later to thank me for it, to tell me what I advised them was right. One of them has written to me "I feel very fortunate to have you as my friend"-that one is from 4 years ago and she probably has meant it. It felt good to be reminded I have made a difference in someone’s life. Did I really become egocentric with time? I loved helping people out and I still do. Well, I guess my services are no longer required.