A personal update
Yesterday I “fired” my best friend as such and the position is currently vacant. Now I have to find a way to bring the news to her attention.
I don’t trust her anymore.
posted by balance at
4:20 PM
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Previous Posts
- I knew it, I KNEW IT ! :(
- I need a Halloween costume
- Modern times
- Existentially ;)
- St. Friday
- Little things
- You can't be too careful
- Less is more
- Grumpy
- The beginning of the end…literally
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9 Comments:
Ohhh luck of trust, it is a bitch to deal with.
Something like that happened to me this year, in February: he wasn't my best friend, but one of the dearest I had. It broke my heart in 100000 pieces to realise I couldn't trust him. 100000 pieces I tell ya. He is still my friend, but in a very different way.
I remember your post about that only then I had no idea what were you talking about. I feel betrayed and offended. She turned out to be the sort of people that maintain acquaintances simply because she might get some use of them in the future. Whatever; it’s her choice. I’m not mad; it’s her loss after all.
I'm glad you feel that way.
My heart on the other hand is still broken in 10000 pieces. These things always take an age for me to recover from.
Hello my dear!
Are things getting fucked up, or? Well if you can't trust a friend, the person isn't a friend anymore.
About Halloween, I totally get you wanting the nun outfit, wow! I want it, lol!
I hope that you and your "friend" will sort things out, or that someone new is to fill in her vacancy, so to speak :-)
Take care my friend and have a great week.
Much love :-)
//Susanne
Milla: You haven’t forgiven then? We can’t be angry with people if they turn out to be not the kind we have wanted/ hoped them to be. There isn’t even a drop of criticism in my words; all I’m saying is that it’ll do you good if you realize the reasons why you still feel hurt about it. Do you want revenge? Are you waiting for an apology? Look into your heart to find out why that wound is still wet and why you’re not letting it heal.
Susanne: I’m in a way proud and at the same time and for the same reasons a bit disappointed by me for being so rational about that “best friend” situation. To let emotions take control is sincere, stupid and most of all egocentric; emotions are selfish. Anyway, I gave her time and space to breathe and make her own mind. She asked for us to meet and we had a wonderful chat and I didn’t give her even a hint about my mixed thoughts. To my surprise and joy it was her to start talking about our friendship; she admitted she had done a lot of mistakes lately and asked me to forgive her for being such an ass lately (in her own words, I swear :))). There was nothing for me to forgive because there was nothing wrong she had done…you see, the way I see it friends are not our property to operate with; and a friendship is not a joint venture to calculate each party’s share. This time it was her to make mistakes and it was me to understand and accept it. Next time it might be different.
If that was to have happened even a year ago I would’ve reacted differently. But now I am absolutely confident it wasn’t a fault of mine; now I know it wasn’t because I’m not worthy of love and friendship, I know I’m not that antisocial freak I thought I was. I have no hate for me now and I have no hate for others.
About the nun costume…errrr, oh, God…I ORDERED IT! Huh, I’m planning to use it on more than that just one occasion :)
Great to hear from you, Susanne. If I should’ve answered to a note of yours and I haven’t forgive me-I’m really absentminded lately.
I am not waiting for an apology, not am I seeking revenge, not at all.
I am sad because it takes a lot of time to build trust in a person, and a lot of effort, and 5 minutes to break everything in 10000 pieces. That is why I am sad about it. But you are right, I should move on, because in any case, like Susanne says, maybe he wasn't even such a great friend in the end (the problem is: he WAS; and I miss that).
You’ll probably say I’m crazy and even I don’t know if I’ll think the same a few months from now but right now I’m trying to treat people equally and to have the same attitude to everyone; I’m not dividing people to best friends, friends and just acquaintances because I can’t handle the responsibility to judge “You’re worthy and you’re not”. I can turn my back on someone only if I have clear and indisputable evidences that that person has done me wrong with the one purpose to hurt me and cause me pain. Everything else is forgivable. That is my survival strategy; I see no other way to maintain my peace of mind.
well, in my case, I DO have a 'best' friend, and that is Nik. He is the one I tell everything. But even with him, there are some things I cannot trust him with.
I don't think it's a matter of being 'worthy' or not. I think it's just a matter of being able to trust someone with what is important to you.
Everything I might say now would be a lie because I’m currently in an extremely “pissed off” mood and that covers almost everything and everyone. I agree about the trust part though…although right now I can’t say I trust anyone at all.
I better shut up until I fix my broken mood.
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