Got a smile?

On Friday, at the office, I was forced to listen to my male colleagues telling faggot jokes. Yes, that was the word they used. But it wasn't the jokes that shocked me, it was the fact that they all laughed. Perfectly normal on the outside ordinary people, with wives and kids, the guy-next-door kind. And they all laughed. It was ugly and disheartening.

Yesterday morning I woke up to the news of the Paris horror. I watched Euronews for hours in a state of disbelief and denial. I knew it was real and my mind was refusing to process it.

The same day, while outside, in a matter of a couple of minutes, I saw the bodies of a dead pigeon and a dead cat.

And I've had it. I felt sick, utterly and desperately sick. Wherever I turned I would find nothing but sadness. 

I need a hug. And a reason to smile but I have no idea where to look for one. Smiles are in short supply this week.